The golden silence

14. The subject

Some people are great at sparking off a conversation, some struggle. I would ask shop staff, waitresses or anyone anywhere, whether they were enjoying themselves. It allows them to say anything they want and answer how they please. I found asking someone if they are busy can be plain irritating. It is either obvious or a signal they are not doing enough. “You have lost some weight” can be a huge compliment to some, but others take it as a suggestion that they are not looking after themselves. Telling someone that they look tired doesn’t always go down well either. You find a question that suits your character and try it out over and over or just say something really innocuous or worst of all make them listen to one of your many problems. Getting a conversation going is easier than getting out of an awkward spot. The psychology of not wanting to offend is powerful. In a hundred years time, a whole new set of people will be making the same mistakes so why worry about looking a fool at times if that is what is needed to improve your conversation skills.

We all have curiosity, but it is interested in different things. We like conversations that seem relevant to us. It is hard to stoke excitement from people that have no interest, no understanding and little grounding in certain subjects. However, we can engage in dialogue that strays away from our normal preferred topics to fit in and be a part of a lot more conversations. It is tempting to brush off a wearisome subject. Some loath football but they can look for an angle that can be talked about to stay involved. I would ask why half of the population are barred from playing in the main leagues and ask for a guestimate as to when that will change.

Where are you from? What do you do for a living? Have you been here before? Et cetera. It can get monotonous after the fourth group you bump into, reel these standard questions off. You have impeccable good sense to listen. You end up talking about a whole host of interesting things after but decide to take a different approach. Out go the chat up lines, in comes the discourse, non-anticipatable discourse. Statements, commentary or maybe rhetorical questions that lead people to join in. “The birds wanted a tree there, so they fetched some seeds last year.” Sometimes I have had to try several themes to get a bite, but it is more often than not, worth it. There is less competition, less ‘I have done more than you’. More a conversation of equals, where all of us enjoy the communication for communications sake and no hidden agenda.

Those that make great speeches spend a lot of time planning and rehearsing them. Maybe an hour or two for a five minute one.