Rebuilding rapport

Rebuilding rapport

I dance with Laura again. How can one describe a face where you pull your cheeks in, clench and relent? I have manged to persuade her to dance with me with the help of a brazen high-pressure sales trick. Ask, then look at them directly. Wait, say nothing, hold your nerve, don’t give them an opt out. One has to turn the thumb screws down hard on occasion. I asked first then a few minutes later got her up. I only need agreement, once the agreement has been forthcoming there is no need to rush. Much of life runs better when we make clear arrangements. A night out with lots of people runs smoother if everyone knows from the outset to be at certain places at certain times. Ask, ask and asking first avoids a lot of trouble. Ask before we touch someone. Ask before we do something to someone.

The surest way to bring anyone onside is good engagement, avoiding anything remotely argumentative. Arguing in dating loses, always. If a relationship is faltering, we are tempted to argue our case. We can win them over by appearing to be in the wrong. Later on, we can gradually tease them towards our way of thinking.

Loiterers - people we don’t want around us, people that won’t go away. Usually if we ignore them, they will get the hint. We don’t want to leave our seat so what can we do to put an end to their advances? We can say something that skirts the truth. Something credible that lets them down gently. We find a way to keep their pride intact. However, when we do this with someone that remains on the scene, we might want to be careful about any slip up a short while later. It is hard work. Silly excuses wear thin when it becomes apparent that people are never being straight with us.

Work hard, put in the effort, do things right and all will be great. Aspirations, expectations, dreams, and the reality. It can pan out so differently to what we imagined in our youth. Nothing will get in the way. We spot signs of things getting better. These new-fangled things called computers were supposed to help. Instead, they made us reliant upon them. Better sure but with a cost. We have been faithful ourselves and had conviction that our partner would be the same. People that we don’t want to leave will leave and leave they will on account of being forever misdirected. How dare they leave. Well, dare they did. We pay no heed to the ones we discard. These can be the ones we never realise, never understand were not the ones to push away. Ignorance paradox.

It can be frustrating living a life solo, but do we ask why someone would want to be with us? Our existence is enough, is it not? If you don’t like it, look elsewhere. I have encountered plenty that are lost and looking for answers. They are keen to offer up theories that usually point the blame at many things apart from them themselves. They do not like being challenged; many will not abide it. It can be bad enough listening to unrequested advice from friends and family. Being challenged by a lowly outsider is an attack, an attack on all we have built.

I may be struggling to shift those neurons in this other, but in my own mind I begin to desist from side-lining the main truth. Preferences. Preferences can’t be budged. If preferences are akin to a stack of plates, the stack is very tall, and I am decidedly close to the bottom of the pile. I know, a life as a singleton is better than being bound up with anything bordering on a repugnant repulsive revolting loathsome annoyance. So, with this clear, why continue? It will not lead anywhere for whilst memories can be formed and moved about, we can’t alter someone’s genome. Our preferences are in our genome. My genes are attracted to Laura and repelled in equal measure by hers.

Gold digging is a pursuit of the persistent. Luck will come. A modest piece was unearthed after some considerable amount of detecting by someone who had spent years looking. It was shaped like a handsome Buddha giving it greater value and cachet. What did this fossicker do next? They went back the next day to see what else could be got. What did they find? Nothing other than a huge crater. Their friend had similar ideas and spent the night digging a huge hole. What they found we will never know. I have gotten many golden items from Laura and want to grab more before anyone puts a huge crater in her. In the meantime, I dote on a flower who has all the happiness petals in place. A good job. Priorities right, like me, nice house - junk heap car. Amicable amigos. Not just rooted but with many rooting dearly for her. Others can see what I can see too. A flower head that whilst beaming brightly is laying on the ground. The stalk is absent.

People can be intimidated by beauty. People leave more space around attractive ones. A fear of looking stupid prevails and people make a hasty exit as soon as they feel vaguely unwelcome. Not me. I am not going to be intimidated by what is essentially a school teacher. I frown at those that curtsey or bend down to empresses; It is degrading and not something I would ever do. Hence a teacher, who is far from scarce in the land I live, is not going to be put on a pedestal. I have never lusted over Laura. Drawn towards her as she contrasts all others. I really like looking at her. Intently. How many of us are prepared to admit that they have spent an age imagining physical interactions with those they adore? In this case the intercourse and intimate exploration would be a single course of many in an extended banquet. For me, what is more covetable is the play. The mix of grappling and toying - mentally. The being, being there. After the dinner there is the dance, then the holidays and time building things. They are what make being with someone significant.

This English rose is coupled with nasty thorns that lacerated me, souring but not diminishing the desire. I failed. I fell short. I take the blame. I blamed circumstances for a while. Should I have feigned my feelings towards her and kept quiet about how much I fancied her? I genuinely thought that me seeing her again was unlikely. Luck brought her in, and bad luck took her away. Hence, finding her would have been a total waste of time were it not for the insight into how we have beliefs and deal with information. A friendship would have been sufficient. A dance conspirator most welcome. A romance was never likely. As a source of inspiration, it has been magnificent, but no more of that either. I now have a begrudging acceptance that this is the end. I have been spat out with zero.

I used to sit next to her most weeks for a few minutes before the start of class and in the interval. Some people shift a bit when you take your seat. Not once did she flinch. This was at least one respectful sign. Small things that we miss and never get to appreciate again.