Catalogue dating

Catalogue dating

Hasty appraisals of images are made. Sometimes too hasty. Presentation counts somewhat. Systems that ask you to toss out an attention grabber are more productive for me. “I know why you are single”, was not left unnoticed by someone that cares about nothing more than their perfect pretend phoney image. Her prose was littered with superficial ‘meaningful’ pearls of wisdom. She told me to seek respect not attention whilst having a photograph taken from above showing her cleavage and legs aligned into view. It is a multi-stage process. It is chemistry. Boiling off to leave a concentrate. Relegate, relegate and more relegating fine people based on arbitrary off-putting glimpses. Then more whittling down by the capriciousness of the suitors.

We each have a hit rate. This can be adjusted by dexterity and nerve. It is often counter intuitive. Doubting their story is not in the courting advice books. “43 candles on that cake but profile states you are 41? Nice pictures by the way”. Boom. Connection and a reason for the disparity is given. We like to maintain our image and don’t like to be thought of as dishonest. We can overestimate the advantage wealth gives people. Lust trumps all. In an ideal world I would have one partner for lust and another for satisfying adventure. We are drawn to bodies and the words coming from the best bodies have the most gravitas in the social dating scene.

The first face to face meeting might bring about disappointment or a pleasant surprise. The person now in front of us is often far different to what we were expecting. Not only do we look different to the pictures, but pictures convey an impression of the sort of person we are. This can be unreliable. We are inclined to make assumptions. Knowing this we can change our game plan. I began to target those that I would have brushed aside before. This targeting could be done without compromising on key factors.

Interact, talk, listen, play, game and connect to build a better chance of agreeing to that request for a night out. Much less success is found when you emulate a cold calling salesman knocking at the door. Create familiarity first. Dating is dating, not friendship making. Your aim is to secure a partner, not be someone that helps them get a partner that is not you. Thus, it can pay to steer conversations away from mental or emotional issues that have kept someone single.

Select a target. Select multiple targets preferably. The aim is to become a familiar figure. Once you have spoken with them a good few times, ask them out. Get rejected. Backtrack. Get them to do things for you. Ask them out again. Be mindful of the properties of harassment. So long as it is kept most amicable it will be fine. Take the hint, take it on the chin. You have plenty of targets running in parallel. One will relent in time.

Dating can just happen for some. For others it is a long learning process. All that refining. Getting better at it. It can be a tough slog to improve a skill that is utilised no more once we pair up. We could carry on with what we learnt in the coupling game; we can continue to win over the one we have. The best daters can find themselves being the ones that struggle with the longevity of their relationships. I have encountered many of these not so happy people. There are compromises that we are forewarned about and yet more compromises that come to light as we bury ourselves in our newfound love. Love can take over. Quickly. How many are infused so greatly that they don’t bother to evaluate the downsides. How many bide their time? Tick tock the clock takes its toll. That is the ignorance paradox once again, would it have been better to wait. Would it have been better to catch the zeitgeist and plump for someone earlier? We can only speculate. Imagine.

There are very few counter plays to the problem of being blanked and forever more ignored. No answer, no contact, no interaction just silence. We can bombard them, bang on their door, or try anything we can. All it does it strengthen the barrier of entry. Any last gasp message needs proper consideration and careful wording. A relationship whether romantic, business or friendship can be hard to recover once a mind has reconfigured the importance of it. Do people feel guilty and bad about stopping all communication? Not really, not that much. They stop thinking about you quite quickly. It is a relief not having to call or compose more messages. A burden lifted.

The only slither of hope lies in being able to identify what they might still need. Most calculate that they can manage fine without you. So, it must be something quite important to them - that only you can offer. It hurts, it confuses us. It is the god forsaken curiosity that won’t let us rest and accept it. So many questions unanswered. So many things you want to say. So many ideas that could make it magically work. People talk to the dead. It is half as good as talking to them when they were alive. You can talk to the estranged too. Not that they will hear you. In your mind the two of you were the perfect couple. The destiny gods think otherwise. They are cruel. Not cruel to be kind, just cruel. We as humans get hurt. We then get messed up a little. Then we transfer that hurt to the next in line. The spiral of spitefulness. Why, you ask yourself, did I bother to be nice, kind, decent, understanding, empathetic and a good sort? It got me nowhere.

Sometimes being told honestly why someone no longer wants to take it any further can help in your dating adventure. Most reasons are nothing but patronising. I was fortunate on one occasion to be told that I seemed ‘indifferent’. With Laura still on my mind that was probably correct. Laura is an ideal notion. One that is hard to match. I preferred that to some standardised generic, “We didn’t seem to connect. I am sure you will find someone nice soon”.

After a separation people call in to collect things they need and for that reason only. Making it easier, being convivial doesn’t budge them nor will making things difficult. It is over. The only control we have is the speed at which we decide to adjust things in our own mind.