Doing the same as others

Doing the same as others

Why fight when you can trick someone instead. One dog wants the bone, but it is in the mouth of another dog. So, it plays with a ball, tricking the other dog to drop the bone and go for the ball. The conniver then takes the prey. An object of desire can play tricks on our inner certainty. We can be led to believe that we want something that we don’t need and can be fooled into parting with an item that is better. It all comes down to confidence we have in our own selections. We doubt ourselves too often and act gullibly, surrendering to the whims of people who are simply perceived to be the ones to follow and emulate. Wanting what others have because they have it, rather than building a desire by ourselves is typical of this baboonian trait.

We learn how to do things by watching others at work. We learn a language by listening and repeating what others are saying. We copy so closely that we obtain the same local accent. The process of copying others is vital, and we couldn’t progress quickly without it, but there is a downside to it. It limits us. Sometimes it gets us into trouble. We have to be single minded enough at times to be our own master and attain the self-assurance to act differently to what the majority are doing. You won’t always be right of course, there could be a good reason why so many are doing things in a particular way.

As soon as our taxi pulled up at the port, we were mobbed by people that were keen to help us with our luggage. They had money rolled up in one hand that signalled the amount they were expecting. It was an amount that many would work a good two hours to earn. It all seemed a frenzy, a rush. Unlike others, I elected to carry my own cases the short distance to drop it off. As it turned out we had the best part of two hours to do this. No rush as it first seemed.

How many friends have convinced you to do things that you would not have imagined doing without them egging you on? You probably had an impact on their behaviour too. It is only when you look back that you can see what a dreadful impediment these so called friends were. It can take several lifetimes for some to realise that sticking to your own guidance is possible. On the plus side, there is something very special about friendships that I am drawn towards. I can be very envious of those that maintain a long-standing alliance. We can see two people that are good friends and wish for a comparable friendship with someone ourselves. It is their strong connection they share rather than wanting to be friends with them in particular. Although changes in circumstances lead to many great friendships withering, our choices about what we put first says so much about what we place importance on in life.

I lost more at the poker table than I won, but I learnt a lot. I would often have an inkling of what I was up against, but it takes nerve to act upon your calculations. Once I began to have more faith, more self-assurance in what I had reasoned, I won a lot more hands and ultimately won a few tournaments. Once the cards were turned over, they often revealed what I had thought people were likely to have. We can have a good idea but nothing concrete. Obvious after, not quite so obvious before.

Many will not give credit to those that helped us fully understand something that appears quite obvious looking back. They helped us crystalise things. They put all the pieces we had in our head together. We may have a rough idea of what a word means, but its use makes much more sense when we consult the dictionary definition. We can spend a lot of our life doing things instinctively without any real understanding of why. Once things are explained to us better, we have clarity on certain issues. We move from doing things on auto pilot to an enlightened awakening.

Those fretworks in our mind will be torn and tugged by rational, logical arguments presented to us. They will also be skewed by sentiment and emotional arguments. Sentiment wins in the here and now, every time. Pretty much every time as only a dogmatic, stubborn sort will stick the course when all around there are people bleating sentimental sayings. Very few of us pair off in a rational way. We get attracted to and attached to things of sentimental value. We may choose beauty over conviviality. We opt for something because of the emotional attachment. When the reality of the situation becomes bleak, we then put more focus on pragmatism, logic, and rational objectives.

If you are trying to sell something to someone you may not choose to offer a lower price, guarantee longer durability, or impress the quality advantage. Instead, you tug at the heart strings. Something cute and cuddly may not do the job as well, but it has greater appeal to the mainstream. A politician could help half the population with an economic manoeuvre. They could make life much better for the majority by making a change to the law. They may win more plaudits though by enhancing something largely ornamental that people have a love and an affection for. We do crazy things for love. We act out of character and acquiesce due to sentimentality. We might spend a fortune trying to win a silly prize – because we want a sentimental souvenir. If we put any rational thought into it, we would not gamble money on that prize. We would get the same item, that prize, a fluffy toy in a shop nearby. That is logical. That is surety. It is not fun though. There is less of a story. The fluffy toy is cute, it is special, and we could gift it to someone we love.

The sentimental bones in our body are pre-linked to vast fretworks that have kept us in good stead and kept us happy. Logical rational decisions require painful analysis. Rational conclusions require work, looking at all the details and weighing up the trade-offs. Sentimental decisions are quick and easy. Sentimental ways, having your heart in the right place, meaning well, stops people accepting they were wrong. You can’t turn the clock back. Nor can you complain to those that gave a mandate to those pushing for a sentimentally sound course of action. You can save one life, one life in the spotlight that is cute and lovely. Saving that one life becomes a sensational sentimental story. Rationally we could save hundreds of other lives with those same resources. Saving the most lives possible would be the most logical thing to do. However, we build an emotional attachment, an investment of fretworks in our head regarding the one life in peril. Sentimental losses are visceral. Large scale losses are dealt with in our head as one more statistic - to make a note of.

What is a clever person? Someone that uses what they have to get what they want maybe. Someone that invokes our sentimental sense of justice. Someone that praises often. Someone that charms. Someone that is not interested in giving someone a reality check. A manipulator. In the long run people that ride on the sentimental tracks can be defeated. A little pain and truth telling today pays off in the longer term. The cleverest of them all are those that can get someone to act in a rational way by using sentimental emotional persuasion.