Doing the same as others

Doing the same as others

Why fight when you can trick someone instead. One dog wants the bone that is in the mouth of another dog. So, it plays with a ball, tricking the other dog to drop the bone and go for the ball. The conniver then takes the prey. Mankind creates objects of desire. We revere people. We are lured into group mentality. Walking alone is hard. Walking with others makes us feel that we are doing the right thing. You mother and father, your sister and your brother gave you a sense of place. Lots of fretworks relate to your early years. Joining a club give you a place too. Fretworks formed in those early years are lonely and feel less lonely if hooked to something new.

The choices we make are numerous. The possibilities are endless. We may never know what would have happened if a different choice was made. We could have done things differently, chose differently, but would that have led to something worse? However, were we too gullible. Did we emulate others for the right reason. Does greater confidence in our choices always help? Usually, yes, sometimes no.

We learn how to do things by watching others. We learn a language by listening and repeating what others are saying. We copy so closely that we obtain the same local accent. We make progress through copying. Copying can constrain us though. Sometimes we copy a little and adapt what we see others do. At other times we take a very different route. Taking a different route, acting differently to what the majority are doing requires self-assurance. Some are sufficiently single-minded to be the master of their own destiny. One won’t always be right of course, there could be a good reason why so many are doing things in a particular way.

As soon as our taxi pulled up at the port, we were mobbed by people that were keen to help us with our luggage. They had money rolled up in one hand that signalled the amount they were expecting. It was an amount one might work a good two hours to earn. It all seemed a frenzy, a rush. Unlike others, I elected to carry my own cases the short distance to drop them off. As it turned out we had the best part of two hours to do this. No rush as it first seemed.

How many friends have convinced you to do things that you would not have imagined doing without them egging you on? You probably had an impact on their behaviour too. It is only when you look back that you can see what a dreadful impediment these so-called friends were. It can take several lifetimes for some to realise that sticking to your own guidance is possible. On the plus side, there is something very special about friendships that I am drawn towards. I can be very envious of those that maintain a long-standing alliance. We can see two people that are good friends and wish for a comparable friendship with someone ourselves. Although changes in circumstances lead to many great friendships withering, our choices about what we put first underscores what we believe to be important in life.

I lost more at the poker table than I won, but I learnt a lot. And what I learnt was well worth the relatively small amount of money spent at the table. Poker teaches us about belief and having courage in our convictions. We learn to make a calculation and act on that rather than let fear take over. I would often have an inkling of what hands I was up against, but it takes nerve to act upon your calculations. Gaining more faith, more self-assurance, believing in what I had reasoned led to winning a lot more hands and ultimately winning a few tournaments. Experience builds finely crafted fretworks. We will experience this; believing someone has a particular hand but not believing it enough to place a bet on it. The cards get turned over and our belief was proved correct. Some of us say it was obvious in hindsight. Re-writing history is common in the common man. If it was that obvious you would have bet on it.

Lots of things are obvious – obvious after we are shown that is. Do we give credit to those that pointed out the obvious? Sometimes, sometimes not. People help us fully understand what we only partially understood. They helped us crystalise things. They put all the pieces we had in our head together. We may have a rough idea of what a word means, but its use makes much more sense when we consult the dictionary definition. We can spend a lot of our life doing things instinctively without any real understanding of why. Once things are explained to us better, we have clarity on certain issues. We move from doing things on auto pilot to an enlightened awakening.

A choice can be made based on logic. Rational reasoning. Many a choice however throws logic and reasoning aside. Sentimentality. Fretworks associated with sentimentality are very strong and hard to detach. Arguing with someone who is devoted to their sentimental reasoning is difficult.

Many will gladly use the resources available to save one person today rather than use those same resources to save three in the coming months. The person in peril is there in front of us crying for help. We help them and take a “c’est la vie” attitude towards those that perish later. Why is this? In part because of the ease in which we can make an argument. Saving one person now is simple. It is easy to explain. We need not explore all the longer-term consequences. To explain the consequences of using limited resources on one person now takes a lot of time an effort. We need to make people believe that resources are indeed limited. We need to prove that those resources will save more in the future, more than just this one person now. Lots of fretworks have to be shifted. Lots of obfuscatory debate will muddle the save-three-next-month side of the argument.

The sentimental bones in our body are pre-linked to vast fretworks that have kept us in good stead. Logical rational decisions require painful analysis. Lots of effort. Lots of detailed research. Lots of time, weighing up the trade-offs. Sentimental decisions are quick and easy. One can’t be logical at all times though, as sentimentality is beneficial in our selection process. Dating someone that we find attractive works better than dating someone that in theory offers more. Saving the most lives possible would be a logical thing to do. However, we build an emotional attachment, an investment of fretworks in our head regarding the one life in peril. Sentimental losses are visceral. Large scale losses are dealt with in our head as a statistic.

What is a clever person? Someone that uses what they have to get what they want maybe. Someone that invokes our sentimental sense of justice. Someone that praises often. Someone that charms. Someone that is not interested in giving people a reality check. A manipulator. The cleverest of them all are those that can get someone to act in a seemingly rational way by using sentimental emotional persuasion. They can shake fretworks in your head so that they shift into place making you choose what suits them.