A point of difference

The want of approval

Wanting approval from others lasts long after we leave the education system. It can dictate many things. From what we wear to how we talk and what we say. We find ourselves wanting a unique identity, but not being too different that we stand out, increasing the likelihood of getting mocked. Nothing beats the feeling of approval from those we like and respect. We need our choices validated.

Vindication. Proving the doubters wrong. Demonstrating a new way, something different with sceptics all around. When we raise ourselves above the parapet, boldly, we are hoping for vindication. People are unconvinced at first but then begin to acquiesce, taking more heed and copying our lead. How we each follow fashion or try to go against it, is one measure of our appetite for approval. We have been wearing clothing of some sort since the Stone Age, marking out our tribe and it frames part of our identity. Fashion emerges from a novel style that catches the attention. Fashion may disregard practicality. Fashion or accessories, including metal pushed through the skin etc, gradually develop, with one person implementing the change. People like it; people copy. If you are hoping to popularise something, target the right people. Some people will be significantly more influential than others. A thousand times more so. There are crucial tipping points on the path towards mass embracement. Some people will object to the widespread uptake of an item and then differentiate themselves with their slightly different choices. You can’t really win. You just take a stance willingly or by default.

Being a little weird, odd, draws attention but not always approval or acceptance. If our appearance goes too far outside of cultural norms it becomes hard to fit in. We may enjoy the admiration we get from our point of difference. We like people noticing how stylish we are. However, few are comfortable with being stared at for abject unconformity. Fitting in requires moderation.

If you wear something the same as that of a well know individual, the endorsement provides assurance and affirmation that your selection is good. Some advocate one style over another to profit via sponsorship. Some select a style hoping to be noticed and adulated for their superior choices. Either way, a magnificent fresh stylish style gives people confidence to walk with their head held high so therefore, who is superior and omniscient with any right to spoil the party.

There are unwritten rules. We go against them at our peril. When and where did these rules come from? Well, someone somewhere, at some point, set out the so-called accepted fashions that become common place. Most ideas that we think are new turn out to be recycled reformulations, innovative but not de facto inventive. We give credit to someone who claims to be inventive when they have done little more than improved on the hard work of others. The scope for adaptation is usually rather limited. Maybe an adjustment to the size and scale, cleaner lines with slightly more function. Very little of what people do, say, or make is ever truly original. We just rearrange reorder and recalibrate the things around us like a jigsaw puzzle to see what does and doesn’t fit within the range of possibilities. You can assemble the pieces in the box or outside of it. You can place them upside down or balance them on their edge. You can change the interlocking nobbles and mess with the material, but it is still nothing more than a minor evolution. Rarely is it something revolutionary. In a flash of inspiration, we spot an opportunity to take something from one field to use in another. The principle was already established. A tool used on farms adapted to solve a problem found in your science laboratory.

I never lose sight of the fact that someone somewhere makes up the rules whether through a democratic process or via the golden rule, thee who has the gold makes the rules. When someone says that you can’t do something, it is because a rule has been devised by a person or a panel of board members. You do not have to view restrictions as being set in stone.

To coerce us to comply, officious people are employed then deployed to enforce the decrees of the governing bodies. The aim is to corral us through their turnstiles of control. An objector may need to negotiate with the individual in the highest position of power, those with the most sway to override the officious people below. Officialdom may stem from proven best practices, but not always. Officialdom often stems from personal preferences; that of the person at the centre of control. People master the art of power and control to become the head of officialdom. The officialdom use officious people to exert their will, persuading people that certain things are to be the norm and right. Officials stamp on those that do not conform. If objectors are not removed, the dissent will overwhelm official authority.

Societies pressure us to conform, enticing us to blend in. If we break from the norm we get pulled aside and questioned about why we are not doing the same as everyone else. Being a pioneer is challenging. Thus, any differences we have are outweighed by countless things in common with the majority. We become more alike than unique as the gradual corralling erodes our freedom of expression. Pushing out and making a mark for yourself is appealing, nevertheless joining in and being convivial is generally more rewarding than being in isolation.

My word is my bond – the honour system of most global trade. We carry this same notion to promises we make to one another. We follow through with our promises to maintain our reputation. A good reputation boosts our ego. Selfishness – preserving the value of the self.

The impact someone made in their community can be measured by the number of people attending their funeral service. People are impressed when they see lots turn up. Some worry that not such a large crowd will attend theirs. Whilst small crowds are seen when people outlive all their friends, some will have small crowds because they alienated most of their friends and family. Having a funeral before you die has many benefits. Not only can you bid farewell to those you love and loath, but you can also ensure the right songs are played.

The onset of death can hasten the priorities we make. Many will wish to make a success of something before their parents and loved ones pass away. This desire to show your true colours is to prevent the onset of regret. Unlike other mistakes you can’t do anything in this respect once people are gone. If you miss the chance to prove yourself before your loved ones go, you may resort to striving harder in the name of that someone you loved. Whether it is a tribute or a wanting for our parents to be proud of us, it is kind of odd that we can care what someone would think even when they are dead. Do I have to spell it out? What you are doing is for you, not for them.

A near miss. A wakeup call. Someone close to us dies. This can stir us into action. Stirred with a new sense of urgency. Live life to the full say some. This is all well and good, but we can find ourselves trying to fit too much in. We lose the joy of taking things easy. Doing nothing for a whole day can be as productive and balanced as racing around in a perpetual daze. You still get things done and done with relish but being too busy comes at a price. It reduces the time to reflect.

There is no duty to be mindful of what it is all about. There is no obligation to spend a set amount of time, or any time at all, pondering or pontificating. It is possibly a luxury for those that want to accommodate it. If you can’t think of anything to think about, perhaps ask yourself; what is enjoyment? What does it mean deep down? We say, we are enjoying it, we say we enjoy sex, a lunch, the times reminiscing and so on but what does it mean and what is the essence of it? Define the feelings, the chemistry of enjoyment.