Proving oneself

Fakes and frauds

Our basic personality can be adapted with a behavioural mask akin to an actor playing a part in a film. A different mask for different situations. We meet those that are adept at putting on a show in public but have a whole different nature out of view. Comedians with no humour at home. Kind and caring on the surface yet extreme bullies behind closed doors. Some will just take people as they find them, never getting to see the other side of a person’s personality. There is not a lot one can do when you get an insight into that which people prefer to keep hidden. People may favour living with the devil they know than the devil they don’t. I admit to dropping sarcastic comments that allude to my knowledge of what is going on.

Nobody is a good as you. No one is as clever as you. No one can behave is perfectly as you. No one is as fault free as you are. Therefore, we shun lots that don’t meet our high standards. We shun more and more until we create a few utopic friend circles. Utopic circles that are invariably rather dreary. We shun bad people. We shun reasonably good people that are not quite as perfect as us. Alternatively, we can own up to ourselves. We can recognise our own failings. We can look at the positives in people and adjust how much time we are going to spend with them. For me to fit in, I have had to give people allowances for their imperfections. I understand that life is not black and white. I need to consider a lot of things more before I shun. Those I don’t shun have positives that outweigh their imperfections.

I have had to put up with those that talk mainly about themselves, rarely listening to me for very long. Some have political views that are not concordant with my world view. The way some treat animals is not nice. I let them know but I don’t shun. If I had shunned everyone that didn’t share my principles, my life would be so much poorer. Besides, my principles have not stayed steady and consistent.

Some have endless drama in their lives. They are adept at magnifying the importance of trivial things. They will make a minor transgression seem like a major infraction. They want attention. They seek sympathy to get attention. They ply their tradecraft drawing people into their web. Some of the most fluffy, soft, and outwardly pleasant people in your midst use cutting remarks to slay your progress. They are masters of manipulation. Many were dealt the best hand in life. They have sailed through. They got lots of attention in the years gone by and are addicted to self-relevance. They get under your skin, dwelling in your mind for far too long. They will not support you. They will not stand by and be neutral. They will slyly impede your progress. Let go. These are the ones that I do indeed shun.

People come up to me with a lot of excitement, a glint in their eye, and tell me about the people they think are amazing. Not only are these people thought of as the most attractive handsome beautiful creatures on earth, but they are also in awe of their wonderful careers. There is no mention of the horrid working hours. Nor the tiresome nature of the things that go along with the so-called super job they have. To the dismay of those that have seen it all before, suckers flock to these people over and over again. They are not special but rather unremarkable. Keen to couple up, all is well for a while until reality bites. The duped will feel some disillusionment for being taken in. The lure becomes a trap of sorts when it results in children aplenty. I don’t want to copy them nor emulate their style. I just get tired of biting my tongue and not expressing a bit of disdain. However, I do not really have any justification to say that the way I am is in any way better than the frivolous. No amount of effort building an image will entice them all, but I have to play the game to get a bit of what I want.

We want to be heard. We want to be listened to, all of us. Some like to be the center of attention at every gathering. We also have the notorious braggers who can’t refrain from boasting about all the things that they have been doing. I meet parents that forget that we have all had children ourselves and don’t see what I see; their children are as standard as all others. I don’t really think they are dull, but I don’t share their wonderment to that same extent. Neither do I have the same wish to talk for ever more about nappies, play school and how quickly they have come on.

People have views that are entrenched. People construe things in a multitude of ways. People say one thing in one scenario and something else in another. It can be tiresome trying to fathom what people really mean. It takes a lot of effort to get to the bottom of the story. So, we let a lot go and leave people to it. We don’t need to be right all the time. We give up trying to convert. In respect of the newly parents, their kids are the main focus at the moment as anyone that has been there knows all too well. Hence, I need to keep reminding myself that what is important to them is equal to what is important to me.

After countless conversations with people all over the world I began to realise that everyone has analysed life, their life, and the nature of being far more thoroughly than I thought. However, lots shy away from examining anything that presses too far into their deeply seated outlook. Is there a time and place for certain discussions? Sorry Sir, but I will decide what is and what isn’t a suitable topic of conversation. You may not wish to think too hard and avoid being challenged. That is fine, but you can encourage those that are interested to engage. You may think it is not befitting the occasion - not the time or place, but that is you pressing your ways on those that would rather decide for themselves. Having a fear of what we are allowed to talk about, however crazy and however provocative is a real menace in a society. I always felt able to keep on the right side of a confusing line between confronting objections to ideas and winding people up for the sake of it. Whether people understood the reasoning behind my angle of thought remains to be seen. Personally, I abhor taboos, but the fear of delving where people don’t want to allow is genuine. It is made much harder as the amount people listen dwindles rapidly compared to the amount they spiel, when things close to their heart are brought up.

I became aware of all those in countless fields that could do vastly more than me. And were so much quicker on the uptake. If you need a demonstration that the earth did not flinch nor stop when you were born, take a glance at the fine accomplishments of uncountable other people living and gone. Not only are there lots of people out there that are grander than you, but some have been on a psychology course. They now know what we are all thinking and understand all our behaviours. Having some one-upmanship can be a novelty but is not endearing if played upon too often.