Attractiveness; an agent of attention

Proving oneself

Somebody told me that their father has missed out on so much. Not being around to see what they have achieved, how far they have gone in their career, the house they have furnished and so on. Who is the one that really missed out? It is the son the most. The son relished showing their father all these things. We want to know in our mind that things are known in the minds of others.

How many times do you hear people say that they were written off as a failure and then harp on about how they have proved the doubters wrong. It is not just that the teachers will be long retired by the time you make a success of something nor that they probably said the same thing to a whole bunch of other students. It is all about putting a happy ending to your story in your own mind to nullify the sense of being relegated and ejected into irreverence. You rarely get the opportunity to go back and face the castigator. You may hope that they hear about it in the news or on the grapevine or even indulge in the fantasy that they will look you up and discover how you have turned out. In practice the score is only settled in your own head, not in anyone else’s. The same goes with any social encounter for when another opportunity arises to present your case again, they will simply change the rules or obfuscate. They may pretend they can’t fully recall the events or twist the accuracy of what was said or meant.

We have an infraction, an argument or they make a point where you struggle to answer, and we want to return to it to set the record straight. They are not too bothered about it, but you are. You want to bring the subject up again and get your points across. All they want to do is move on with what they are doing and not go over something that means little to them as they won the debate already in their head. We have the frustration of not being fully understood. We want the chance at least for them to get to know more about us, often to prove that we are as worthy and that things are not misconstrued. What prey is so great about wanting the last word and wanting to show them?

One time I was at a concert, and I danced a bit with someone for a short while. She then disappeared. Then somebody very tall and somewhat thin came over and said that I was “good at scaring them off”. He had an eye on her for a while and now had lost his chance. I was taken aback and mainly wary of any outbreak of violence and such like. I was accustomed to dancing with lots of people, the more feminine the better. Just for the fun of it. This to me was not about dating, it was nothing other than having a good time. Anyway, a few minutes later she came back, and we danced further, this time a little more provocatively. Why was I unable to resist making sure the lanky git saw us together again? The journey towards not caring at all about the respect of others is long and hard. There is no point trying to prove you are worthy, yet the desire to do so is compelling. The chance of seeing any of these people again, anywhere, is slim but winning a situation can be the focus of the moment. Some may say that they do not care about what other people think, but their actions belie the substance of such claims. Even if it is just that, wanting others to know that you don’t care what other people think.

People will accuse you of misdemeanours, brand you as a money grabber, a gossip monger etc. Why do they accuse you of such things? I tell you, because they are often guilty themselves of such behaviours. In trying to camouflage their behaviour they end up red faced when you place a mirror between you and them.

I recall another night out where I spent a short while talking to three pretty lovies on the subject of motor racing. I pointed to my friend who was some way away and told them that he was a top engineer in a car engine company. They turned to look at my friend briefly and acknowledged what I had said, and we carried on the conversation for a while. Later however this friend thanked me for disrespecting them. I pointed out that firstly I am not in the habit of putting someone down to impress people, especially those that I have just met. Secondly, I had not said anything untoward, I was in fact in praise of him. This is an example of how some people make assumptions about your behaviour and resort to a negative view. Nothing would change his mind. I had belittled him and that was that. I cared for my own reputation. I can’t claim that I never care about what other people think as in this case I most certainly did. We want to maintain a reputation of decency and be trusted.

I have had to let things go. I lost battles but hope to win the war. It is difficult to let it go. If I were to up sticks and move a long way away, I would care little for those lost battles. What does that tell you?