Attention

Attractiveness; an agent of attention

The beauty industry is huge. For good reason. Attractiveness trumps all. It beats character, wealth, and aids fame. Attractiveness plays a big part in how we get on in life. I have seen people stop and goggle at handsome bar staff. I have seen others smitten by pretty young things, paying them double the attention of others in the same role. You hear people say that what is inside that matters the most, but our physicality plays a huge part in how we are valued. I thought at first that life would be so much easier for those blessed with good looks. They didn’t have to work so hard to get attention. However, I quickly realised that this strength was lost as they aged and needed to be replaced by a personality. I also saw that they had as many problems as the rest of us. Many yearned for even greater perfection in their appearance when all I saw was incredible beauty. I suppose that whilst some could have more affairs and greater opportunities, they can still only have one meaningful relationship at a time. Maybe polygamous to some level if they have the energy, wish and commitment to devote precious time away from other pursuits.

Being attractive is one thing but seeing charlatans at work was a major bugbear; Watching people fall for someone due to the flattery they were given, watching people promise the world and deliver nothing but hardship and heartache. I can’t blame someone for getting the girl / bagging the boy by conning and conniving. It beats living on the side-lines. I had the most stupid thought that attractiveness is a gift blessed from one’s parents and that credit didn’t belong to them. Hence charm was misdirected, but charm works irrespective of whether it is deserved or not. This became an enduring lesson on how we think as youngsters and get the wrong idea about many things. Rather than see the power of charm I would be condescending, wrongfully, and revel in bringing people down to earth. Oh, how different things look in hindsight and how easy it is to forget the troubles of those growing up. Even with hindsight and new awareness, old habits die hard.

I enjoy talking to people of all ages. With older people, it can be at a higher level. Less needs to be said to convey our thoughts, but I have to admit that nothing surpasses the special enjoyment I get from talking to highly feminine characters in their prime. The optimum age is somewhere between 19 and 25 but this is me and subject to many exceptions. Any younger and their lack of substance doesn’t inspire. Too much older and the magic is not quite there. Certain aspects of youth draw me in. The eagerness of life. Being far less worldly wise thus not tainted - yet. Listening to the inflections of their voice is magnetic, irrespective of any accents. That coupled with their wondrous facial expressions. I see the optimism and the openness that fades and gets lost with age.

I had confidence aplenty in all situations except courting. I could approach anyone I wanted and get a conversation going, not a problem whatsoever. Getting a conversation going was easy unless it was with someone that could be a potential suitor. I was dating phobic, full of fear in the moment. It wasn’t until I got a partner that I lost this fear entirely. Now, if a conversation went awry, I could correct it. If I jumbled sentences up and it all went wrong, I would just say what the heck am I saying and start again. Doing so made me appear most human and the fluster added rather than detracted from the event.

There is a state before I become fully awake where I have the most vivid delightful dreams. And in those dreams, I have often pictured finding a friend, someone endearing and feminine. A romance free side kick. Someone whom I share a good deal of time with without the bedevilment of sex. Of course, anyone attractive that you spend time with, will grow and grow on you. It is rare for it to work for long. I thought finding such a friend was highly unlikely. After decades of having that at the back of my mind, I did find such a friend. She was there in plain sight. I didn’t see it at first. When I did it was truly great. As predicted, it didn’t last anywhere near as long as I wished it had. I knew what to do and what not to do. Yet, I still messed it up. One thing is for sure, I made use of the time and will always be glad I met her. The sex came and went. That was not the problem though. All this “I can die happy now”, rings true. I want to live happy. I have had the taste of the most sumptuous caviar, and now nothing competes, nothing satisfies, nothing compensates. I did a lot right, knowing that helps not. We relate to some souls decidedly more than others. We need them to like us in equal measure. I could detail so much that gives me a belief that we had something, something very good. I despise the haters that set up my downfall. Ultimately, I blame myself for losing to those better at politics. I can’t even say that I will learn for the next time. A next time is too improbable.

When I look back and think about how I have been treated by others, I would say that I have nothing much to complain about. Nevertheless, I still ponder about all those instances of rejection. There were countless occasions where I wasn’t given the chance. One look and instant rejection. Dismissed, a look at you very briefly, eyes shift down to the floor then away. I have a multitude of options. Do I ignore it and worry not? Do I suppress how irritated I get by it, mutter something along the lines of stuck-up cow, arrogant pig. Am I looking at it in the right way?

We can be enchanted by attractive people. Enchanted by those with character. We are drawn to them. We wish for some engagement with them. However, the feelings are not always mutual. We pay attention to them whilst they ignore us. We might as well not exist as far as they are concerned. Engagement is effectively, not allowed. Any engagement that is forthcoming, is often the bare diplomatic minimum. A few words before they move away and talk to someone else. We get annoyed by people’s indifference towards us. People take that nonchalance towards them as a slight. The way they ignore us can be exasperating. Few enjoy being stonewalled. Whilst we are bothered about these situations, these folks are oblivious to any hurt they cause. Such things shouldn’t trouble us, but they do.

The person at the forefront of your mind may spend very little time thinking about you. In the dating context, we are not reassured in any shape or form by a friend saying that we could do better than that. We are as valid as the next person, are we not. We have good points. We are worthy. We are great – if only we had the opportunity to get this person to see it, is what we muse.

When I peruse the market stalls and mingle in the streets, some people standout. Some I recognize as friends, fellow artisans, and ones I have taken a fancy too. The rest are nowt more than miscellaneous objects. They form the hue of an insignificant haze. Only some have importance to me. Most I disregard, barely noticing their presence unless they get physically in the way. There are many people who I just do not have time for. I make quick judgements and for the most trivial of reasons I discount people on a whim. I am guilty of noticing what I want to notice. My focus lingers on what appeals to me. I ignore the rest. People in my surroundings grey out. I don’t pay them much attention, usually no attention whatsoever. If I don’t give everyone the same level of attention, how can I justify condemning people for ignoring me. I want respect from others whilst not respecting each and all that cross my path.

By and large I choose who I speak to and most certainly pick who I approach. I will sidle up to a valent soul ignoring another who has body art on show, body art faded to that convict blue. My disdain reflects a prejudice with absolutely no regard for how great a person they may be. When I learn the value of relinquishing all self-importance, I can begin to be as admirable as so many others. Many manage to be very cordial, showing true grace and compassion towards everyone they meet. Or do I not notice other people’s propensity to give many a wide berth. People that appear snobbish or infantile or hard or whatever, and such characters do not exist. Doesn’t everyone avoid some types. Do we all have some wariness brought about by bad experiences or stories told to us by our family and friends?