Pests

There are counter moves to all issues we face. If you do this, I can do that. The idea is found in life as it is the game of poker. If they seem to be bluffing, call their bluff. If they are playing weak, play strong and raise.

So, what is the counter to pests? Pests in this case being those that harry us for intimacy. One can be minding one's own business and a stranger approaches trying it on. Their seek sex. They do not care if you already have a partner. Any protestations, "No thank you", "not interested", "leave me alone" are ignored. Saying that you have a husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend rarely puts them off. Given that your partner is not there with you right now, they can't intervene or make their presence felt. Some won't even give a damn if the partner is nearby anyway.

Be nice, polite and hope they get the message. A tact that can work, but not always.

Be rude, firm and hope they leave you alone. This tact can work but can make things worse.

If you raise your voice, soften quickly afterwards. Perhaps say loudly that you want to be left alone. Then afterwards say in a quieter, softer tone, sorry but you have a lot going on right now and have no time for this today.

It is a shame that people need plans in place for such eventualities. For many it is a regular frequent thing. Plus, people around us are not always willing to help or get involved. With lots of testosterone running through peoples' veins, tensions run high.

How much dialog do we allow?

The items in the chapter, Conversation, can be used in reverse. We want to bore them, not entice or excite. We can do that by not responding in any way to what they are telling you about themselves.

Never point out their lies and inconsistencies.

They mention that they are recently divorced but you spot the fact that they are wearing a wedding ring. The worst thing you can do is challenge them about that. That provides them with an opening and a long tale of why they still wear the ring. If they say something then contradict themselves a few moments later, do not point the contradiction out. Again, this is another potential reason for getting drawn in. You get drawn in when you want them to go away. Try to minimise the conversation rather than expand it.

Boring people talk about themselves, thus be that boring person. The pest might be a good listener which can be a hindrance in these scenarios. A good listener will ask questions. In these situations, do not answer them. Make no reference to the questions. If the question is repeated, repeat 'not hearing' it.

Vulnerable people can be most attractive. So, appearing the opposite of that is a huge help. Show that you are independent, capable. You do not need help with anything. Maybe a dull diatribe about a business meeting early tomorrow with important people. Ignore any offers, drinks etc. If they ask you for a favour, never oblige - we like people more when we help them. You don't want to like them or build any sympathy.

They talk about how wealthy they are. One might be tempted to say, "Wealthy people are causing the most global warming", then quickly change the subject back to you. However, you don't want them to start defending themselves.

Brief stunted responses, always. Never agreeing or disagreeing with what they are saying. If you open up the slightest conversational avenue, you make it ever harder to get them to go. Blank facial expressions, no frowns, no shock, no awe, no eye rolls and none of those beautiful inflections that we normally crave.