A chip and chair

A chip and a chair

I have seen a doleful soul sitting with one chip, their last single chip, at the poker table with their adversaries having greedily amassed significant stacks. One bit of luck after another led to two chips then four and so on until they won the tournament. My chip took the form of an endearing dancer, Megan. She needed a dance partner now that she had seen sense and dispensed with a rueful love-not-to-be partner. It really is good fortune. Destiny works in odd ways. Megan’s timing was impeccable. She was also a true joy to dance with. Plus, I now get to make real strides in learning the follow.

I got a smile! A first. Tentative steps but alas no matter how much patience I give it, nothing will bring her back onside now. A minor mental scar has sealed the place where a little warmth once stood. Though she did soften, and things became amicable. Laura reinvigorated my desire to dance and gave it more depth. She inspired me to break rank with the masses and make strides in the media world. She sparked the thinking behind small things, inner beauty, and beliefs. She made me focus on what is most valuable.

And the most valuable thing right now is close to me. Linked. Me over her shoulder in a zen slow trance. Lost in the loud music supplied by headphones, closed off from the rabble in a sensory intimacy. Megan is half my age and twice as decent. My tendency to bend rules enables us to transform the experience of dancing endlessly with just one person. I change the pace mid song from rapid moves to a virtual standstill building back again. Sometimes to the beat but more often to the flow of the music instead. Fifteen styles in fifteen dances, short songs through to extended versions of great classics. My affable buddy described it as euphoric. This young lady fulfilled a pair of significant dreams. I won’t have this idiosyncratic compact dance buddy and temporary inamorata forever so will make the most of it. Nothing is forever. Nothing.

Men have feelings too. Anything that dents a woman, can dent a man in the same way. Culture and society play a part in the perception, but how we are hurt, how we are enthralled, how we take and not return the favour is not specific to any gender. I had forgotten how enthralling the early stages of intimacy were. I had an option now to try a whole new branch on the tree. I had become stuck on a specific intimacy twig. Gratifying though it was, I had missed out on the refreshing nature of the simple natural human physicality. Arousal from the connectedness.

Many are over keen to move things forward. Others are shy and fearful. They are held back from initiating intimacy. This restraint can turn into a phobia of sorts. Some become incapable of making a move. They retreat, escaping to avoid it. One thing to remember is that the desire to have sex depends on the individual not the gender. It has nothing to do with being a boy, girl, or ‘freak’. The proportion of men wanting sex is the same as the proportion of women. We can start with caressing the face and move south. I would expect most to understand that being willing to stop is paramount. There is no excuse for overriding an objection by force.

Megan was bullied at school for having sexual encounters. No such bullying would have happened were she a boy. Boys have always been treated differently to girls in the realms of sexual activity. In extreme cases young ladies have been decapitated when found in a compromising position with a man. Had Megan pronounced that the sex was good, enjoyable - nothing to be ashamed of then the bullies would have left her in peace. To make matters worse her family scolded her for having a romantic encounter with someone older. They are no better than the bullies. Some cultures have formally arranged marriages. In other cultures, it is not quite so formal. We simply give people dirty looks and condemn their choice. We think we can choose who we marry, but the heady influence of others can deny us that choice.

Thousands of teenagers up and down the land see people like Laura and compare themselves to her. They want to hide their imperfections but no matter how hard they try they are not happy with the way they look. They begin to dislike themselves. I will let you in on something. I fancied Laura a lot. However, Megan turned me on. Laura didn’t. I was gravitated towards Laura for sure. Beauty is a treasure. While it lasts.

The world has a system that only suits some. It wants to test and examine how good you are compared with everyone else. Schools grade you. Society grades you. Employers grade you. I started to take more notice of Megan when I discovered how bright she was. I become more attracted to her when I realised how adept she was in unusual ways. The problem for you, for her and many others is that her intelligence is useless in certain quarters. You can’t take exams in what she is good at. She got marked down as a failure. She is not a failure. The system is a failure. She did fine running her own business. Others have done equally badly at school and became super rich. You will find your niche, your forte. We believe that other people are cleverer than us. More intelligent. They are cleverer than you in different ways. There will be things that you will be better at than them though.

Nothing matters. Not really. What counts is the acceptance of who you are. You have to acknowledge who you are, what your limitations are. You will also discover that some people will like you just the way you are. Megan appealed to me more and more as time went by. She began to impress me more and more. It took a while to ‘get’ her and appreciate who she was. I fell in love. I assured myself that we had enough in common, had a similar outlook, a closely matched taste in music, and believed in the same things. The things that I regarded as important were present. Megan never needed to read the chapter ‘conversation’; some will shine brighter when they do. I have been chasing the wrong thing all my life. Sort of.

We aren’t supposed to undress someone in our head and fantasise things. However, I now do. That way you can take away the superficiality or the ordinariness or the oddness and see the light.