Altruism
Selfishness is a drive. A drive that we all have and one that we can’t do without. It can be very selfish when we do harm to others. The drive can lead us to become co-operative. Selfishness can be such that we all gain in equal measure. It can be a gain in kind. However, can it be for no gain whatsoever? To do something whereby you get nothing back at all is possible but doesn’t happen very often. It is very rare. It is what we call, altruism. Donating eggs to another woman comes close. Donating a kidney comes close. Giving blood or sperm without receiving payment also approaches altruism. Dying to save the lives of others comes much closer.
Your last act, a desperate act can show altruism. A last act made by a few parents has been to shove a pushchair out of harm’s way. An oncoming vehicle takes the parent out, but their quick thinking saves the child. Some parents have laid down on top of their child to shield them from a hail of bullets. The children have survived to ruminate about the tragedy. A soldier jumped on top of a grenade. This saved three other soldiers that were standing nearby. He threw his rucksack over it and laid on it. It was quick thinking. He survived too. Doing nothing would have meant they all died. I suspect he assumed the worst for himself though. These things happen very fast. It is hard to know what the true thinking behind these actions were at the time. Some have been shot. They know that they have seconds to live before the damage inflicted will fully disable them. They have then taken a last stand, discharging whatever weapon they have on hand to make their life seem a bit more worthwhile. This is the thing with altruism in its purest form. If it leads to your death, you won’t be around to value the deed.
Life in the hunter gathering days was potentially more precarious than in modern times. We can assume that all members of the group would need to play their part. We don’t know exactly how much free time people had back then. We don’t know if food was always in abundance and if there was much room to support those that have little chance of contributing. It appears that those born imperfect were usually despatched. However, there seems to be some evidence that not all were despatched. Some retarded sub-prime types with low verbal communication skills didn’t get their lives terminated shortly after birth. They were tended to, for many years. They lived into their teens and beyond. Maybe they were not viewed as slow and retarded but as a gift. Maybe they were treated as a mascot. The notion that the parents and the group were demonstrating upstanding altruistic behaviour is fanciful. If the child was seen as a pseudo-deity, an emblem of hope, people will be willing to respect and treasure such a child. The child would be a focal point and something that gives quite a bit of meaning to all. They give the child time, patience, food and support and they get more than just a warm glow inside them in return. People move mountains on the whims of belief. A standout child, an unusual child gives people a belief in something. That belief helps us cope with all the hum drum daily wrangles. Politics and what we might loosely call tradition could pressure parents to despatch a child that is not fully conforming. Subtle counter-politics can override this at times. Hope and belief and purpose and meaning can be proffered to persuade us that it will be worth it. I dare you to place thriving higher up in your philosophical thoughts above heartless survival and the need to do as much as we can to aid mankind’s expansion. People find a balance. We may seek enjoyment from doing things for the sake of it. Things that are not related to progress and greater prosperity. We like that which is satisfying and gratifying. We need not skew everything in favour of wealth and prosperity. Thankfully, emotion trumps logic. A child that contributes little in terms of food production, food gathering, house building and basket making will be a burden. It will place a weight on the rest. However, it can give a group something deep and meaningful to strive for. We don’t find archaeological evidence for groups containing large numbers of these non-contributing types as too many tips the balance into starvation. One is a devotion, three is an altruistic disaster.
People may not mind admitting that they are not particularly altruistic, but baulk at the idea of being called selfish. They were most likely scolded by their parents to stop being selfish. Share with your brother. Think of others. That is what we are told. Yet when we think about what we have been doing today, who was it for? Who did you eat your lunch for? Who got what from all the things you have been involved with? You work to help an organisation and keep customers happy. Nevertheless, you pay close attention to the salary. You care about your involvement. You care about your progress. You help others so that a promotion is more forthcoming. Helping in the business benefits lots of people but you consider how it will help your career too.
When thinking about what drives people, many think money is the answer. Money is reward of course, but we can learn a lot from why people get involved with voluntary work. Here there is clearly no payment as reward. Instead, you gain from the experience. You gain from the feel-good factor of doing something great for others. It keeps boredom at bay for sure too. We do voluntary work for our own well-being. We do it as we like meeting others. We do it to feel involved and included. Voluntary work is underpinned by the considerational-selfish desire to be a better person whilst doing what we believe is good. We want to help the cause, the charity, the people we feed at feeding centres and that is rewarding. We are also interested in the day-to-day shenanigans. That is curiosity at play.
The fact that people are willing to undertake voluntary work shows that people can find the enthusiasm to work without a financial incentive. So too we often find that the places people want to work at are not always the ones offering the highest financial pay out. Many people have found themselves drifting towards lower paid jobs that are more satisfying than higher paid ones. The chemical reward released in us can be valued above an increase in wealth. Seeing our bank balance rise will give us a little high but there are deeper more profound highs to be had. When we see the team, the group, the organisation progress and achieve something we feel collective reward and individual reward for the part we played. We like being a part of something great. Employers may seek ways to make people feel valued and make their job seem worthwhile. Some companies will do things for the community rather than hand out surplus resources to staff as bonuses. Overall life satisfaction can surpass career advancement. A better work life balance is marvellous compensation for relatively small drops in income.
The lure of more money can motivate us, but money is not the only incentive for doing things. Far from it. We walk our dogs. We mow the lawn. We tend to plants. We play games. We talk to one another. We stroke the cat. We pick up litter. There are lots of things like this that we do which make us feel better for doing them. These things are rewarding, but not financially rewarding. Money has no bearing in these cases. Money is not a basic drive; besides we lived on earth for a long time without money being central to our lives. Did early man have curiosity? Did they wonder what was on the other side of the river. Did they look up at the stars and discuss possibilities? Did they try every fruit and berry to work out which could be eaten without ill effect. Did they experience weird effects when eating mushrooms and then wonder what other organic entities have magic contained? Did they feed some of them to an unruly one to see if it killed them? I am sure they traded. They borrowed and bartered. Wealth of some sort has been with us for quite a time, but it is the selfish desire to accumulate that underpins the striving for more.
Base drives are common to all. That means that they are found in every person no matter how young or how old we are. All the higher-level drives are underpinned by these basic ones. The base drives are those that are applicable to all of us whereas higher level drives such as the yearning for sex, money, fame, power, survival etc are more individual.
The base drives are in us at the structural level. They reside deep inside us hidden beneath layers of complexity. Structure creates beauty. We see it all around us in the natural world. We see structure in snowflakes. There are untold variations. The variety is incredible. So many variations that each snowflake is near enough unique. You will stumble upon two identical snowflakes periodically in the same way as we have human twins and doppelgangers. While there is huge variety in the structure of each flake, they are all built upon the same basic bonds formed between water molecules. It has a complex name – intra molecular hydrogen bonding. The same bonds, same molecules but a myriad of different repeating patterns. Varied output from the same fundamental properties of water. We are varied too. We look different, behave differently and strive for different things. However, we have things in common. We have basic drives that are the same no matter who we are.
We have the same drives but have different higher-level aims. Your aim to write a bestselling book is matched by different aims in different people. They may strive to produce the best film, gain a larger audience, change things, improve society, campaign, or make a dent in the ills of those in need. These aims come from these basic drives. As does the wish to make our house nicer or our clothes more appealing. As does out desire to jump from an aeroplane, dive in the ocean or spend a weekend hiking. As does making new friends and building relationships. As does masturbating, moulding clay, or meditating. These things are rewarding. These things have a curiosity element. These things involve the self. We care about our part in them. We get some form of benefit from doing them.
Every pursuit is deeply connected to selfishness, sometimes standard selfishness, sometimes considerational selfishness. You may paint a picture to give to a friend. You showed a little generosity but enjoyed the whole process. Or at least hoped to enjoy it to some extent. Or you completed it to stop them nagging you, pestering you, to get it done. It benefitted you somehow. Likewise, on the surface it appears kind and generous to give money away to others. Doing so might be applauded. However, there is a selfish aspect to it. We decide who to give to and when. We hold the power to decide where money in our possession goes. Giving money away is never truly altruistic. You get nearer to altruism when you give money to someone else to give away. Even then you feel that it was the right thing to do. You get the sanctification. If you didn’t feel better when you give, would you give more, the same, or a lot less? If you never felt any guilt, would you do as much as you do for others.
Selfishness is not a bad thing. It is pure genius. We seek that rush of chemical reward gleaned from giving. It is the fuel that gives us a burning desire to be incredibly generous. It is very clever. If you were to design a new animal species, would you include this feedback loop where the animal feels good about helping others? This feedback loop is not, I help you; you help me in return. It is I help you; I feel joy. I give and I feel more connected. I help and I am more at peace with myself. You can take and feel good. You can give to someone else and feel good. You can look after someone and feel good. The mechanism that makes this work is inspired. A virtuous loop of giving and getting a chemical reward inside our mind/body that makes us feel satisfied. It helps us make friends. It helps us become more secure. It gives us something that solitary standard-selfish people miss out on.
We may be driven to succeed, to become more experienced and masterful. There are untold drives. There are so many that I could not even begin to list them all. These are all however, powered by deeper drives such as our selfishness that sits at the very bottom. Base drives are ones that everyone feels. Base drives are at the heart of wanting more money, wanting to have sex, wanting to travel and learn new things.
You can have sex for your own gratification, for you alone. You can have sex whereby both parties get something from it. Hence, we consider ourselves and others too at the same time. You can have sex to appease a partner. Thus, it is for you, or for you and someone else, or it is for them but to stop you feeling guilty and keep the relationship alive – which benefits you. So, it is selfish whatever way you look at it. Selfish in the pure sense or co-considerational selfishness at best. That is one base drive, selfishness. Whereas, the gratification, the satisfaction of sex, the drive to make us go and make it happen is a higher-level drive that stems from base drives. Sex is rewarding. Reward is another base drive. There is also some exploration involved. Maybe we try with different people, in different places or in different positions. We try, we experiment and search for more. If you think back to your youth, did you spend nights alone imagining what it would be like to have sex? What does it entail? What would the sensual experience be like? And that is of course derived from curiosity – a base drive. We are encouraged to have sex because of curiosity, selfishness and reward.
When I say we feel better when we help someone, it is due to a chemical realise that floods our head. We can get this release after a long workout too. We can get this when we solve a problem. We feel it after accomplishing something. One way or another it requires some sort of work. The work may be physical or working to complete a mental challenge.
Cleaners, road sweepers, factory jobs, dull, repetitive work. Menial tasks. Whilst menial, dull and repetitive, lots stick it out for years and years. Happily, stick it out. Some do suffer from boredom, but one thing is for sure, the work gives them a sense of accomplishment. Many people that collect rubbish on the roadside confess that the job is rather good. They have the camaraderie, the sense of purpose and of course the financial reward. Compare that to those that have spent most of their lives idle. No work leads to frustration and stress. Some can fill their time with meaningful objectives, but they never get the satisfaction that comes with the notion of providing for oneself. Many will do any job to support a family. Again, a rewarding facet of life. Providing food, shelter and sanitary ware etc for others is rewarding, satisfying.
Some work can be arduous and unfulfilling. We may glean some reward, but certain tasks leave us feeling discontented. I liken this to the sex on the beach problem. Sex is usually very gratifying. However, when you get sand in your genitalia it gets sore very quickly. Sex on the beach is akin to an unpleasant job. Have sex on a bed with a view to the beach and it is uplifting. Change the job and it can be marvellous. Whatever job it may be, we do it to satisfy our selfish desires. That can be considerational-selfishness or standard-selfish. For us, us and the community, us and our family, or just us.
In the past we had places where animals were stored in tiny enclosures for humans to gaze at. These zoos provided the perfect breeding ground for boredom to set in. The animals had no real opportunity to make use of their curiosity. The rewards were minimal, in part because all the food they needed was laid on for them. They rarely had to work for it. As for their selfish desires? They could not exercise much in the way of choice; thus, they didn’t have a lot of opportunity to help or hinder. Their autonomy was taken from them. Take away the ability to harness the drives and it leads to despair. Some were seen rubbing themselves against the railings all day. There are proposals to create human zoos; the state gives people just about what they need to survive. It seems like a good idea, but people need work to get reward. The most selfish thing we can do, is to work so that others do not have to. The fortunate ones get to go out and build a career whilst their families are stifled by unrewarding inactivity. You get to solve problems whilst your dependants have the problem of having no problems to enjoy solving.
I went through a period where money was tight. I would mix beans and spaghetti together then add a sprinkling of pepper to reduce the blandness. As years went by my business grew and money came rolling in. It got to a point where it seemed like I was printing money. Easy money. Easy come easy go. On one holiday I felt like a gate crasher. I had this reward for what felt like minimal effort. Some people fall lucky and land a role that they didn’t expect. They feel like they are at a party where someone had invited them in by mistake. It can be an odd feeling. Nevertheless, you soon find yourself working again to justify your presence. The gate-crashing sentiment: Being given more reward than you think you deserve. Being given more respect than you think you have earned thus far. The reward system works best when properly coupled with hard work prior. Things that are given to you easily are not as satisfying as those you have worked hard to obtain. Reward and pride are linked. Reward and accomplishments are linked.
Co-considerational selfishness entails helping others. Others can be one person or many and many like the idea of helping the masses. You can help the masses by being involved in religion and politics. Before you can provide any help, you need to scale the political ranks. The higher you go, the more big decisions you get to make. Getting to the top is rewarding. Getting half-way up is rewarding too. Any progress can be rewarding. The higher you go, the greater the benefits there are on offer. Benefits for you the politician, mainly. If you believe that most politicians and religious leaders are there to help us and us alone, you could be living in false hope. Politicians enjoy the process. They glean the rewards. They do it as much for themselves, as they do it for others. Most are purely selfish. Some do consider what is good for the people but very few sacrifice their pride, their position, their status to make changes that help those they are supposed to serve. Selfishness as always. Not only do they care about keeping all the trappings of high office for as long as possible but focus ridiculous amounts of energy building a legacy. A legacy is the ultimate self-centred, self-appreciating, fleeting folly. The unnoble reward. Decency is honesty without seeking credit. Leaving the place in a better state than you found it. Some enter a bathroom or kitchen and wipe things, clean things a little, thereby leaving it a little better than they found it. Others wipe things and clean things a little but scrawl some fancy graffiti on the walls too. I did my bit to make this better and need to make sure you know it was me that did it.
Being thanked for helping is important in the co-considerational selfish system. Thanking someone increases the chance of people helping again. People relish recognition. People do not like being taken for granted. So often we thank people warmly - the first time we are helped. The second time less so. There is a shift from appreciation to expectation. We feel the reward when someone appreciates what we have done for them. Some may not be able to show their appreciation but if you can sense some gratitude, you are much more likely to help again.
It is much harder to consider helping again when the effort you make is thrown back in your face. A nonchalant, begrudging “thanks” will not inspire people to repeat what they have done for you. Money can be provided as a form of thanks. However, the chemical reward is powerful. Making someone feel good for their accomplishments. Praising them. Showing your gratitude. Getting verbal recognition for one’s efforts counts a lot. This type of repayment is felt in the head of the recipient. Reward chemicals and a change in flow.
If guilt is a minus, not having any guilt is at least zero. We can therefore do something to avoid that negative disposition. Guilt free is a plus. Feeling bad is a negative. Feeling good is a positive. Not feeling bad, is more positive than feeling bad. Not feeling guilty, shifts the needle in the positive direction. Some won’t feel any guilt whatsoever if they ignore someone struggling. They may be busy and preoccupied. They may just not care. Those that do stop and help will feel better inside though. Helping creates a positive for you and the person getting the help. There is satisfaction potential in the act of helping.
Selfishness at every turn. That can’t be helped. We have a physical body that seeks to maintain itself. It must care for itself to survive. We need to be standard-selfish to keep going, but to thrive and get more from life we can be considerationally selfish. Aside from our appetite for survival and more importantly the wish to thrive, we have a body system that gets rewarded for making the lives of others better. The mind rewards itself when it co-operates. We consider ourselves and others at the same time, albeit subconsciously or automatically on most occasions. It is endlessly, incessantly inquisitive. These drives are at work all the time. Having explained this to many people over the years, few see the implication. One asked if there is anything deeper! No there is nothing deeper for once you look beyond reward, curiosity, and the selfish system you have nothing but basic chemical biology. If you break a snowflake apart, you get water. The magic begins when oxygen and hydrogen come together to form water. It is then that the structure and properties of a snowflake emerge. Oxygen and hydrogen need to be bonded first, that is the deepest point of snowflake study. The basic drives form a bridge between biology and psychology. They are the deepest part of psychology.
It takes a while to see the connection between these drives and the meaning of life. Give it lots of thought and gradually you become aware of how your actions, decisions, and desires stem from these drives. The things you find yourself compelled to do were related, one way or another, to a basic drive. From there you begin to realise that you are a driven entity. Everything you do, is to satisfy these drives. The drives provide meaning.
You want to change the world. That would give your life some meaning. How are you going to change the world you may think to yourself, as you mull over the lack of impact you are making so far. How? That is curiosity. You will look using your curiosity at how you can make things better. Will those changes be felt inside your head. They will indeed as those changes will encourage reward chemicals to be released. Is it for your sense of accomplishment? Is it for you as much as it is to be of help to the world? Any higher purpose is riddled with curiosity. Any higher purpose gives you a sense of reward and the harder it is to achieve the more reward you will feel. All higher purposes will involve self-gain no matter how cleverly one tries to hide it.
You wake in the morning and wonder about the day ahead. Where are my things? How much time have I got to get ready? A look out the window confirms your expectation about the weather. Each of you will have completely different lives, but the same things are making you do what you do. To get under the hood of the meaning of life question you simply need to monitor your day-to-day actions. How do the drives fit in to why I want to do this? What do I want to find out? What mystery do I want to solve. Why do I want to find something out? To what extent is curiosity – gap filling making you make effort to do. The more often you are aware of why you are doing something, the closer you get to seeing the connection with basic drives and the meaning of life question. Those drives propel you through each day and it is only a matter of seeing them in action, being aware of them. Look for the curiosity element. Decide what reward will be got. Determine the selfishness. Was it standard selfish or co-considerational selfishness.
We have some very kind people walking on the surface of this planet. We also have some that have no empathy for others whatsoever. These psychopathic types are super-selfish. Those that are empathetic get rewards, rewards that are denied to psychopaths. A psychopath enjoys the power and control they have over overs, it fulfils their standard-selfish requirements. You may be far removed from a psychopath but that does not mean you avoid being selfish. Not at all, for you may consider others by making breakfast for the whole family and then fill your own stomach for your own self-satisfaction. One can’t devote their whole life to others at the detriment to their own self. Hunger and thirst will ensure that selfishness feeds the self physically and mentally. Whatever you want to make of all this, it is plain to see that it is a mighty clever manifestation that evolution and only evolution could devise. It is remarkable that you can be kept happy and content simply by a range of chemicals that are stashed waiting to be unleashed inside of you. Animals and human-animals are an amazing manifestation of untold cunning and brilliant small shifts in structure. Each step along the way retaining the reward for gap filling. Each step enabling survival of the species yet room to spare for rewarding those that share, co-operate, help, assist and not be standard-selfish at all times.
Is it not remarkable that your whole life revolves around making and moving links in your mind? Gaining knowledge, imparting wisdom on others. What we do has an effect on the world around us, but what happens inside us is the most important. Our emotions make things seem very real. They are derived from changes in the levels of adrenalin, oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and such like. A smooth flowing set of links organised by curiosity make our life seem straighter. We need to keep finding gaps and holes in our understanding. We need to keep finding ways to obtain reward. We must keep wanting to maintain ourselves else we wither and see no meaning in life.
I can only spoon feed you to a certain extent. Core drives are at the heart of all that you do. To fully understand this, you need to experiment. You need to think for yourself about yourself. Stop and think about what you are doing, what you are planning to do and establish what the reason is. Why feed the ducks? Why learn to cook a healthier meal? Isolate the curiosity first. Identify what you get from it. How does it change how you feel? Some rewards are on the micro scale and are short-lived whereas others put a big smile on your face.
A healthier meal may taste better, that is good for you. It may make you feel less tired and more alert, that is good for you. It may enable you to live longer, that is good for you. What variety can I introduce? Can I boast about how healthy my meals are? Does that improve my social status. A healthy meal is brought to your plate via the selfish, curious, reward seeking drives within you.
Base drives are indeed common to all of us in the same way we all depend on food. One could of course be kept alive with intravenous mechanisms. Nevertheless, we require fuel. Food is that fuel. What we consume differs though. Some food is more gratifying than others. More rewarding. A hot spicy curry for me, a plate of fried oblong sections of potato - with salt, vinegar and crude sugary tomato paste atop for you. The rewards we get depend on our personal preferences. We each have our favourite foodstuffs. Whatever those favourites may be, we eat them for our sake. We eat for us, for me, unavoidably selfishly. The parallel between drives and food is this. We all eat, we all have the same basic drives, but the food differs, and the drives lead us in different directions. The type of restaurant that you will head for will not be the same as me, but the underlying reason for going to a restaurant will be roughly the same. Curiosity – what is this new restaurant all about. Reward, food hits the spot. Selfishness, often standard selfishness and eating for one’s own benefit.
The discovery of these drives is significant. The implications most profound. Why do we look for a purpose in life. Why do we want to know the meaning of life. What drives us to answer those questions. Curiosity of course. Getting an answer would be great for us individually, and most rewarding. The drives make us seek purpose. Our purpose is derived from the drives. Curiosity makes us ask the question and the question is answered in part by it. The drives instil us with belief. Hope is derived from these drives. Hope that is delivered is wonderful and marvellously rewarding. We think aspects of our life are mystical, yet simple chemistry in your head provides divine sensations.
You can lie in bed until noon or spring out of it at the crack of dawn and no matter what you suggest it is these three drives that impel you. A sarcastic soul may say they got out of bed to empty their bladder. That too is rewarding and for your benefit. It is change and more comfortable – the pain now gone. At the end of each hard-earned day, we find some reason to find the will to soldier on. We want to know if we can get through this low period of reflection. We want to see if we too can make something of this life we have.
The complete understanding of these drives gives those with this knowledge a significant advantage over everyone else. It is the bedrock of all psychology. The drives lie at the root of all mental issues whether they are considered positive, negative, or neutral. It is also ironic that a psychologist will use curiosity to get to the bottom of the issue that their client has. They will get satisfaction - reward for solving the issue. Co-considerational selfishness is evident in the aspect of helping others.
If you know that we are driven by curiosity, selfishness and reward, one might ask how that can help us. Can that knowledge be actively used to exploit people. Can it be used to improve things. Can it be used to help us with our psychological issues.
One group that ought to spring to mind in regards exploiting peoples’ sensibilities are advertising agencies. They want to get our attention. They could shout out a message. They could create moving images that grab our attention. Alternatively, they can do something that taps into our curiosity. Once hooked we will want to know more. Some of the best adverts are those that make us want to know what happens. What films did you watch to the end. What books kept you gripped all the way through. The ones that stoked your curiosity perhaps? The ones that kept you guessing, held you in suspense, made you want to know whether someone succeeded or failed. An advert that makes us question, who, what, why etc can hold our attention far longer than any advert that is devoid of what, why, where etc. If you claim something is cheaper than normal, people will want to know how much cheaper than normal. So, tell them. Not at the start but close to the end of the advert. Curiosity will keep people’s attention until the curiosity gap is filled. Your item is different. Do you explain the difference at the start or the end? You need to ensure that know that the difference is important, and drip feed the facts. Once all the facts are known the curiosity ends.
Boredom accompanies curiosity hence we may elect to avoid treading the same path too often else people will fall by the wayside in our campaigns. Add variety.
Adverts will tap into our rewards system too. Advertisers will attempt to convince you that you have worked hard and thus deserve a reward. More comfort, more status, more something all of which will be connected to the feeling of pleasure and reward. Luxury equates to expensive, therefore more work required to obtain it. Things that took a lot of effort to obtain are more rewarding than things given to us easily. To get a true sense of reward we have to work hard for it. Therefore, luxury expensive items will be worth the trouble obtaining them.
You are worth it, is the tag line. It will make you look better. Advertisers aim at your sense of self-worth. They can make you feel that you are important. You are special. You are different to others. You are unique. We will customise the product for your needs. We can make you stand out from the crowd. We can elevate you above the lowly. We can make you feel included. We can make you feel valued. Aim for the centre of who we are, the self. We can also show that by buying a product we are helping others; considerational selfishness.
How do we educate? We invoke a child’s inquisitiveness. We give them a small token, perhaps a little sticker on a chart as reward for the effort they put in. We make them feel guilty for not achieving good grades and celebrate success by boosting their self-esteem. We avoid feelings of guilt and enjoy compliments. So, one can either make someone feel good about what they are doing or make them feel bad if they are not following the norm. We can threaten them with that guilt that comes from harming others. We can encourage good hygiene. A child learns how good hygiene keeps themselves healthy. It also stops them from being blamed for making others ill. They don’t want to be the guilty one, at fault and feel terrible for their inconsideration.
Most people are rather lazy. Most will close the book and look at something else rather than switch off all distractions and start to examine themselves by themselves. Those that do, those that do for a good while, will see the power of what is brought to them here. The spectrum and degrees of these driving forces is vast.
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