Courting and the dating game

Courting

The dating game is played out moving one square at a time. There are very few shortcuts. Chemistry needs time to enact, irrespective of any charming catalysts. Compliments can work wonders as enzymes of new beginnings. Being able to listen well puts some at a great advantage. What about those that lack instant appeal or are non-conforming? No amount of wealth or wisdom encourages people to stop giving them a wide berth. Other tactics need to be deployed to break down the barrier and expose their heart. Attractive people get more attention in most arenas and all of it in places where there is loud music and big crowds. I have known for as long time that lots find themselves becoming less fussy as they age. Principally they are not put off so much by relatively small imperfections as they were in their formative years. This makes us ask why we are put off when we are young. What does this tell us? What is important turns out to be important. Very important in the longer run.

The first square on the love game board is to simply say hello. Then engage and hold a conversation. Moving it forward to a date is one more step, a big step that we have to muster the courage, skill and nerve for. And then we get rejected. Fear of rejection is very real. From butterfly twinges to extremely raised levels of anxiety that blow opportunities into the wind. People psych themselves up at home. They go out and approach a target. Then back out at the last second. We have this philosophical notion in our mind that there is nothing to lose yet it can get harder and harder for some to overcome the fear. When it is faced head on, over and over, we can be transformed into an un-embarrassable being. From panicking over a mistake to turning it into a joke. Pausing then recommencing as if it is all totally normal. The finesse is where you can stare into the eyes to show seriousness and mix in a downward all over body stare to flirt. Most people appreciate the conversation even if there is a near zero prospect of a second encounter. Some are alert to the feeling of not wanting to trouble someone. It is a balancing act. Sometimes people are glad that they were worn down by your persistence. If you want to win, you wear rejection as a tried and failed - never mind, rather than let it stew. There are people that you are not one bit interested in. Acknowledging that allows you to accept that there will be many who are not interested in you either, no matter what.

Some take rejection as an offence. They retaliate. It moves from wanting to get with them to wanting to get back at them. Some spew out an insult and move on. But move on you now must as there is no chance of a second attempt. Some have been rejected by the same person many times but got there in the end. Nastiness would have killed any chance of that. Who dwells on those painful memories of rejection anyway once they find a partner? Rejections are over printed by your success.

A smooth dater approaches a target and talks about the mystery and brilliance of the painter of the painting hanging majestically above. What they do not do, is ask, “where are you from?”, “how long have you been here?” or any other question for that matter. Asking questions is needy and dull and tiring. People want to move away quickly from needy, dull, tiring people. Find something to state, say it with enthusiasm and leave the what, why, where, how and who until further into the conversation. Rather than ask “Do you like walking by the river?”, state, “Walking by the river is great, fresh air …. the swirling eddies are nice to watch.” This gives them a chance to add their thoughts rather being demanded to answer a question. Before you depart drop “If you pick me …” or an equivalent in somewhere.

Women people are like cars, as they get older, they depreciate and require more maintenance. Is a younger person more valuable than an older person? A young person might be thought of as ‘brand new’ like a car straight out of the factory. The cost of a car is based on quality and performance. Is there some equivalence with people? Some are more attractive, more athletic, fitter, more agile, more capable, more fun, more endearing, more astute, but also more desirable. Desirability depends on who is judging but some will undoubtedly attract far more than others. If we take it to extremes, a person that can’t walk, talk, or feed themselves offers a different marriage proposition to a finely honed, intellectually sound, amiable, wonder-lust. There are grades of mate. There are also quite a few compromises, no perfection.

Attractiveness has its pros and cons. There is a lot to be said for finding someone that you and only you find attractive. Lots of people are selected based on their approval rating made by friends, family, and society. You want to couple up with someone because other people give consent and affirmation. You feel that you made the choice, but subconscious signals from others swayed you.

Having been rejected by some delightfully attractive, fashionable, popular sorts you come to your senses and lower your sights. This is when you discover that easier people are nowhere near as easy as you thought. There is untold demand for weak, vulnerable, semi-attractive, valent characters. You have looked beyond the acne, the dumpiness, the broken front tooth, the quirks that are not endearing and still get turned down.

Skins and tissue wrapped around skeletons are drawn to other skins with tissue wrapped around skeletons. Once in close contact the dialogue begins. Here we learn of what inspires and interests one another. How closely aligned do we think that needs to be? We can educate them. We can involve them. We can share experiences. Five people with the same physical qualities can be differentiated, not by their interests but by how much genuine interest they have in what interests you. Are they taking on board what you are saying? Do they care to partake to some degree in your activities? Do they care most about themselves?

Some nations have compiled a file on every citizen in the land. Everything about your behaviour gets written down, your punctuality, reliability, penchants, tastes, habits, and so forth. By and large, people don’t change much. This information is used against you. In the dating game we have many beginner-psychologists that will scrutinize your behaviour too. They have a list of signs to look out for. Do you seem insecure, politically hard-headed, controlling and so on? You will be seen as a piece of useless garbage, fit for no one, if you fall foul of these readings. Thus, to help you avoid being thrown on the waste heap, get acquainted with these lists.

A partner is on the same side as you. Co-operative and only competitive to get the best out of you. No one would be violent, abusive, or threatening if they are on the same side as you.