The satisfaction of sex

The satisfaction of sex

Occasionally, sex is love making. Usually, sex is pure lust. Some explore sensuality. A few seek an insight into sensory sex, discovering it using the animal machine. Technically these four things, making love, lust, sensuality and sensing are distinct, but invariably lines are blurred. Whatever the case, all forms of sexual activity can be satisfying. The sexual drive we have can vary somewhat. It is as normal to have no interest in sex as it is to crave it constantly.

Whilst the missionary position is probably a most underrated way of bonding, there is a lot more to explore than just lying on top of one another. We want more but to get more, we need to broach the subject with our partner. That can be difficult. Many will introduce ideas a little at a time and try to share an experimental adventure. Talking about what we like in our sex lives is particularly difficult if what you crave seems at odds with everyone else. It may be popular to mention the state and size of peoples’ breasts in one culture or the bums in another. It becomes acceptable to mention pert backsides, firm breasts, and fine abs in your locality, but many will brush aside other likes as odd fetishes. A fetish, propensity, penchant, and desire are all interchangeable words in this realm.

No fetish is strange to the practitioner, only to ignorant outsiders. An open admission that we adore breasts or bottoms is just as much a fetish as anything else, it is a strong desire and attraction to them. Nobody is shocked when you join this acceptable club. You may get some giggles and grins when you bring up blow jobs or banging upside down in a lift but any hint of cross dressing, sadomasochism etc. and you can be considered, un-rightly, to be a creepy weirdo. Make no mistake about it, people claim to just do x, but actually do a, b, j, f, and n too, but keep quiet about it. Some may keep things simple but are too dull to try more to get to the core of what they really like. They would rather let it fester. They have the wish but contain the desire to avoid being thought of as abnormal. There is of course no need to think that your plain activities are inadequate. Nor is there any need to let anyone outside of your private intimate trusting relationship know what turns you on. It is much easier to talk about something you regard as sexy and having a fetish for if it weren’t for all the disapproving critics. A zookeeper knows this all too well. No matter how odd your fantasy is, you will find that plenty of others that share those same fantasies as you. Some sexual activities can be more prolific than others of course. Some sports are very popular other less so. Hence sport and sex have a parallel.

Some find a great partner, and all seems well until they get asked to perform a mighty odd thing. To pick one as an example, eeny meeny miny moe; urinating. Holy molly, they are asking to be urinated on. How on earth can that be any fun? Now we are back to autism and not getting what someone likes. So, what to do? The main test is this; does it damage or cause pain to the doer? Maybe it will make a right mess of the carpets, but no they are happy for this to be done in the bath. Could there be some physiological harm done to the person being asked to be part of the sexual act, or requested/cajoled into being a part of the sexual act? In this case, that is doubtful. To urinate one needs to drink, so a potential problem, but minor unless it is in large volumes. Does it get in the way of ‘normal’ sexual activities? Can it be done in the privacy of the home or hotel room?

We question whether it would be best to terminate this relationship. Will the next person be even more strange? Will they be violent? Will they be a super spendthrift leading to bailiff visits each week? Do I just say no and let it lie, hoping that it will go away, and they contain their desires? Well, there is selfish and there is co-considerational selfishness. You will feel good about yourself when you give what someone wants. What you might read in advice columns is biased. People that you know try to present a perfect image. Things they don’t want you to find out are hidden from view. It is therefore difficult to establish what the majority really think is acceptable.

In most cases, there is rarely a request for role reversal. Someone might want to be trampled on but not the other way around. If they ask if they can trample on you, it becomes a different issue. As a person doing the trampling, your greatest risk is if you stumble and fall off. If you tread in the wrong place, it is not you that gets hurt. Satisfying sexual cravings and desires often take a lot of effort. Relationships require effort. Sexual fun and games will go a lot more smoothly if we discuss, agree, and obtain genuine unpressured consent beforehand. Those that get the intimacy that they hunger for, cherish their relationship the most. Who looks elsewhere when satisfied with what you have at home?

It takes dedication to graciously give when you are not in the mood, especially when it feels a chore but is thoroughly appreciated by those that want it more. Sometimes you can repay the favour in other ways rather than take it for granted. Sulking rarely works. Being super nice when you want something is usually more fruitful. Most are obliging when someone is being so very pleasant. We might hope that our partner will feel guilty for not obliging. They don’t feel any guilt. They simply harden to it. If you are waiting for your partner to get something needed for an activity, you may end up waiting forever. Forget the silliness, forget dropping hints, go forth and sort it yourself.

We can share the lead in dancing. We can share the driving. We can share the lead in sex too. Sometimes we can be selfish and focus on our own pleasure and return the favour later. Ebb and flow. More focus on you today, more on your partner tomorrow.

There are endless variations to try. One will never find hyper-excitement without trying things that fail to spark joy. There are endless avenues to test out, each offering their own riches. You will never reach a nirvana. Rather, highs and lows with peaks of joy. To not want more is to not live to the full. Contentment is temporary. It is the dynamic changing experiences that are gratifying and rewarding. Variety is the spice of sex.

Someone new on the scene makes us swoon. We are fixated. A few days later we see someone else, and they become the new attraction. On it goes. It is not that each person is a bit nicer, but we have a hardwired stimulus system that jumps into life the moment a new opportunity presents itself. Some find themselves endlessly searching for more. This relentless search for a new slant can get out of hand. A reset can fix those who struggle to get it up without having to go to ever more extreme lengths to bring about arousal. People take a complete break. A break from pornography. A break from one-night stands, then after a period of abstinence go back to where they first begun. They return to the core of what excited them in the beginning.

You can stand on a cliff edge or hang from a beam high in the sky and get a thrill. Likewise, in sex we can take ourselves close to the limit without being disfigured or killed. Few want to succumb to any real harm. The danger provides the turn on. Many feel emancipated when tied up and at the mercy of a master/mistress. Relinquishing control is freeing. It provides a contrast to other areas of life. Not all of it is real, but it can be played out in a realistic manner to connive the senses. It is the thought of being in danger that provides the draw. Very few want to be permanently injured. A seedy prostitute, dirty and disgusting can be fantasied about. You don’t really want an infection, but the risky nature of some activities is alluring.

Toying with artificial attire features a lot in the realms of modern sexual activities. Given that so many fetishes involve something plastic we wonder what went on, where some people got their kicks, before such items were invented. This gets to the heart of the matter for it is not the plastic item itself that creates the excitement, but the effect it has on the visuality of the body. The cleavage, the hint of what is available attracts as often as the forbidden fruit. The objects enhance and pronounce the beguiling features of the character. The colour contrast at the junction of skin meeting accoutrement features large. Couple this with the partially hidden areas, the cleavage, and the eyes linger for ages.

Humans are human, far from perfect models we conjure up in our imagination. Dimples, spots, marks, weight in places that we don’t want. Veins which push the life force around, protruding rather than held back in tight young skin. We can keep our focus on the good bits, the pleasing aspects.

People pretend in the popularity game. They pretend in the sex scene too. They make things sound exciting. When you try it yourself, you find it rather unexciting. People make noises that they think will impress their partner. Those noises may turn out to be rather distracting and, in many cases rather annoying. You can pretend to enjoy it if it is a means to an end.

Nakedness has its own beauty, as does a genuine body. Makeup and clothing can hide some blemishes, things we might be less proud of. Most people look more attractive wearing something than when naked, even nubile people in their prime. In my view, and this is just my personal opinion, dressing up works best when the look is balanced between raw and artificial.

Magazines of yesteryear had sections showing pictures sent in by the readers. Most were of low quality, grainy and poorly produced. The photographs were not altered in any way. Yet the popularity was enormous. The down-to-earth, candid nature stimulated the naughty side of us. Contrast this with the perfection of the professional shoot and we can see that not all are wedded to clinical clean images. Real is a turn on.

The climax of many a pornographic film entails; the male participant gleefully ejaculating over the lady’s face. If not their face, then maybe her breasts or back. One way or another we see the ejaculation. Not only is it difficult to film an ejaculation inside the virginal canal, but it makes for a more entertaining, more dramatic, more thrilling scene. Whilst it makes the film more appealing to watch, it might not be something either participant particularly enjoys. It is for the benefit of the film rather than to maximise pleasure from the sexual act. People watch these films and copy the actors believing that ejaculating in this way is stylish and positive. We learn too much by copying. We think that our partner will be impressed by our prowess and that it gives us kudos with our friends. It may do the opposite. You could be marked down as a dunce instead. Great people have the confidence to stick to what they like, rather than succumb to what other people think is great. We can assume, wrongly, that our lover will be thrilled by doing things we have seen others do.

They say: one finds it best to avoid having sex somewhere where you wouldn’t sleep. It may well be that your thrilling idea pans out to be rather uncomfortable. The poke of the thorns or sand in your genitalia drowns out the pleasure.

The difference between self-stimulation and having other parties perform sexual play with you is enormous. One is electric and intense the other rather forgettable. Masturbation provides relief and keeps you healthy, but it has nothing like the same intensity as doing things with another person. Some do lie on top of full-sized dolls, but humanness is bewitching and irreplaceable. The body is everything. It can be presented at its best by the right kind of lighting. Clever bar owners will install blue lighting to keep you awake and use other subtle colours to flatter. You may have been somewhat unsettled by the difference in someone’s looks when outside of the club and not inebriated enough to override the concern. Most people can add a touch of sparkle and improve their appeal with a plethora of adornments, simple or complex. It is the ability to exaggerate the femininity or masculinity that provides the treasure for the senses.

We are certainly drawn towards different things. What you find attractive, others may find unattractive. What repels you, draws others in. Some see no limit to how fat someone could be, the more the better, whereas others like rake thin for example. With so many variations of hair and skin colour, to height and proportion to style and presentation, beauty in this sense is personal. In many cases, we meet somebody, and the beauty slowly seeps out. Attraction can build steadily. Quirks, facial injuries and oddities can add to someone’s appeal. Whilst many will show an instinctive repellence towards someone that is far removed from the mathematical ideal, others gravitate towards them.

Facial recognition takes practice, the more you are exposed to faces from different ancestries, the better you become at distinguishing them. Hence, foreigners can all look alike, so to speak, at first. There are some that can’t recognise faces at all, prosopagnosia, and presumably there will be a tiny minority that can’t gauge beauty. This universal beauty that most can appreciate, irrespective of the creed and colour of the subject, comes from magical numbers derived from the series: 0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55... Divide any two adjacent numbers and it heads towards 1.618, the golden ratio. One need not measure with a ruler. One need not worry too much about where to measure from or to. Our eyes can approximate rather well. We can gauge the beauty from different angles and decide what looks closest to the beauty sweet spot.

We have a natural curiosity for anything unusual, so will stare at those that look different. This can make those with a blotch on their face feel rather uncomfortable. Some apply heavy makeup to hide the marking. Others see themselves as having a beauty mark and live with it joyously. Our attitude towards it makes all the difference. Some do not see it as a negative. When someone stares at you there are two options. Either carry on feeling uncomfortable or smile back at them showing a couldn’t care less attitude. Ponder about those that get stared at because of their fame. You may wish the issue didn’t exist, but a change of thinking makes it much easier to cope with. Some people have mad piercings and wear wild clothes to increase the attention they get and stand out. Unlike you, they had a choice in the matter, but you can copy their indifference to how people react.

We can all be repelled by something diseased and disturbing. Our prejudice towards those with startling, uncommon features erodes once we become accustomed to them. Rather than blaming and shaming people for their hostility and repulsion, we can understand that there is a natural instinct to shy away from any unusual form. It is simple curiosity, and we know that to be a basic feature of all people. We steer clear of things that we perceive to be dangerous. The greater the interaction these people have in a community the more they will be accepted. The more normal you act, the more normally you will be treated and the less odd looks you will get.

Do we have similar sexual habits? To answer this question researchers interviewed hundreds of people. They expected to find that people were basically the same. However, every rule of thumb was thrown out of the window. The stereotypes were wrong, the presumptions were wrong, the beliefs the interviewers started with were wrong. There was no common theme. There were no norms found. No assertions held up. One person being interviewed claimed that they could go from flaccid to discharge in ten seconds. The interviewers were in disbelief, saying that was not possible. The person dropped their trousers showing a limp penis. Then after some vigorous hand action they indeed discharged in ten seconds. Some like to think that it takes longer for girls to climax than the boys, but that is not strictly true. It is all depends on the individual rather than the type of genitalia we have. We worry needlessly about premature ejaculation. Have sex. Ejaculate. Take a short rest. Then have some more sex. Men will usually take longer to finish in the following bout. We hear that it is not the size but what you do with it that counts. In truth it is what you do with your fingers that is often prized the most. Often, not always. The same size penis will look much bigger on a smaller person than a large person. Satisfaction can come from connection rather than size of breasts, penis, midriff, biceps etc. Confidence is critical and where you may lack a little in some areas, you can compensate using flattery, compliments, niceties, respect and most important of all; being attentive.

The time spent asleep is used by the body to maintain itself, leading to wet dreams and waking up, up. Circulation doubles when erect, increasing the essential repairing blood flow. Far from doing any harm, masturbating regularly, even on a daily basis is highly recommended. It is not uncommon to continue doing so despite having an exemplary sex life with someone else. It is pleasurable primarily because it is a required function of the body to maintain its health. Added to that, regular self-induced climaxes help you discover and examine what you find favourable, both mentally and physically whatever the gender you claim to be. You can convey your favourite methods to a partner far more effectively when you have scrutinised your own mind and body. Closing one’s eyes and lusting brings no shame only inappropriate actions are devilment. Like all things in life, moderation is the aim, worrying about too much or too little is only necessary at the extremes. Being abnormal could imply you are rare. Gold is rarer than silver. Some people prefer fat chested women, I and many others prefer slim chested women. They are gold, fifty times more valuable than pronounced silver ones.