The selfish principle

Either way

I watched her approach people, one by one, asking for money. Most people standing about waiting for the train in this grimy underground railway station ignored her. Many may feel perfectly justified to turn their gaze away and pretend the beggar does not exist. I gave her an apple though. I did not ignore her. I did not shoo her away.

If you think that I gave that lady an apple because I am far more generous, far more compassionate than all the others waiting for the train that day, you are quite mistaken. On the surface it seems that I was more generous, but lots of things go through our minds in these situations.

If I give her a small tokenistic thing like that apple, she will move on straight away. That means that I gave her something to stop her bothering me anymore. That is a benefit, of sorts, to me. I give and she stops pestering me. We both gain. We might feel a little guilty if we shoo her away. Giving her an apple avoids that feeling. That is a benefit to me. I give and feel less guilty. We both gained. I may feel like a better person, and she got an apple.

It can get complicated when we analyse trifling situations deeply. Those that give may encourage her to remain at the station begging. If no one gave her anything then perhaps she would seek employment somewhere instead. If everyone ignored her, she would need to find another way to get money and food. I don’t care that much as I am on holiday and not likely to be affected by these beggars long term. Is that selfish? Most probably. It will be someone else’s problem, not mine.

Sometimes we give in order to be seen as kind and caring. Sometimes we can be genuinely helpful when giving to beggars. Whatever the case, there is potential for us to both gain. They get the help, and you get the satisfying feeling inside you.

Whatever you do, an element of selfishness arises. Selfish for ignoring a beggar. Selfish for wanting to avoid feeling a little guilty for not giving to the beggar. Selfish for giving so that it gets the beggar away from you. And still selfish if giving makes your feel proud and decent. Whatever the case, no matter what you do it might seem that you can’t win. Do not be disillusioned, the power of selfishness is amazing. There is an incredible force at work, and it has the potential to make life very good for all.

We are selfish if we ignore the plight of someone in need. Selfish if we could give but choose not to. Selfish if we give to stop us feeling a little guilty. Selfish if we are kind and generous. You are selfish in every scenario. We could evaluate the need. We could decide that the beggar has enough already. What I want you to evaluate is the one special aspect of selfishness when we give gladly. When we give something or help someone, we feel good inside. Not always, but there is potential to feel good when being kind and caring. The beggar gets the gift, you get a chemical release inside your mind and body. That is a significant aspect of humanity. Two parties gain at the same time. The two parties get two very different things. The receiver gets the physical gift, and the giver gains a warm feeling.

No matter what you do in this realm, it will have an impact on you. Sometimes the impact is not terribly great. We may brush off a beggar paying scant regard to their presence. Giving them a little gets them gone and stops them from pestering you anymore. It helps them a bit. You both get something from it. Your choice has an impact on both of you. Two people. Two parties. You consider yourself and you consider the other, or not as the case may be.

Two gents head towards a wine bar. They were approached by a vagrant. One gave the vagrant a small amount of money. The other said, “You do know he will probably spend that on drink and drugs, don’t you?”, “Indeed”, replied the other, “We are out tonight to spend money on drink and drugs too.”

We form habits. Some give regularly to those asking for help. Others refrain. Many rely on experience. Automatic behaviour sets in. We stop thinking much about whether to give or not. We do it so often that we pay little attention to it. Most find that giving is often the best option all round. The feel-good factor may fade a little when we give regularly but nevertheless, we like to feel that we are a good person. We care about ourselves. We care about our image. These factors outweigh the cost of giving. Selfishness embraces all aspects of our existence. Selfishness is a factor in all that we do. Selfishness is predominantly positive.