Happiness

Protection is the number one priority in the survival game, followed by shelter, water, and food. There is no point snuggling up in a camp with food and drink galore if you are going to be eaten by an army of ants or mauled by a bear. Having somewhere safe to spend the night is high up on our list of important things to sort out. This applies to the mega rich moguls who are fearful of being kidnapped to the homeless people. Nothing is worse than trying to go to sleep with the fear of someone setting fire to your alcoholic breath or beating you up for some perverse few minutes of entertainment. The second consideration for your hideout is whether it provides shelter from the wind and rain. Once that is resolved you can think about something to stop your tummy rumbling. What prey has this got to do with happiness one may wonder? Well, happiness is rooted in having the basics in life in place followed by a range of things that we as individuals want.

A flower embodies happiness. The need to be rooted. The potential to bloom. It is made of many parts. It can be incomplete - missing a petal or two. It gives, nectar. It radiates making itself seen. Beauty and fragility.

Hours and hours can be whiled away discussing the complex subject of happiness, presumptions are made, myths are banded about. Some have a perception that those that live in the corners of the globe that ‘suffer’ long cold winters are prone to a greater degree of depression and suicides. That is not the case. The weather is a petal but not the whole flower.

Lots of little things will lift our mood. Bugbears can lower it. Our present mood may not always affect how we feel in general, but I defy anyone who can wait around in the freezing cold for a non-existent bus and not feel miserable. There is a gulf of difference between going home to sit in a comfy chair next to a log fire rather than returning to a cold damp swine box of a room. Noises outside that make you glad of being tucked up instead of noises outside that are aggravating and induce fear and worry. Not too hot, not too cold, and away from threats can make us happy in the moment.

Roses have thorns, happiness has exceptions. No matter what line of thought you try there is always at least one person that throws up something that puts a spanner in the works. Not everyone needs vast wealth, not everyone needs a partner to stave off loneliness, not everyone cares about how they look or how large or skinny they are. Not everyone needs to be successful, not everyone needs a permanent home. Plus, what makes one person happy is another’s worst nightmare. You can be happy making do or happy overcoming challenges.

I say we need to be rooted but what about a travelling community. Ok they have roots to their kin and usually travel in groups. Rooted to one another. But a true drifter can wander from one place to the next, never dwelling long enough to bind to the soil. Thus, we may contend that it all depends on what type of plant we are. Some need to settle, others can harvest what they need floating along like algae. In every aspect of happiness, you are likely to encounter those that smash your beliefs, challenging what you hold to be true. Those facing eviction feel that the loss of their home is going to be their worst nightmare, but others shrug it off as a minor inconvenience and an opportunity to explore elsewhere. Some, not many, select homelessness for its freedom.

The stalk of the happiness flower represents the thing that supports you, usually your partner-relationship. The head represents the most important thing to us, namely our health. We try and assemble as many petals as we can, children, a good job, fun hobbies, enthralling activities, friends and so on. Once content with our petals, we may start looking for more advanced forms of joy. We may seek enlightenment. Some have nectar to spare so they give to others, philanthropise, enjoying the internal reward obtained from kindness.

Our levels of happiness are relative. Some are content with a film to watch, a pie in the oven and a pack of beers in the fridge. Others want to experience fine dining and ‘glamourous’ events. What is more common to all is summed up in the most apt saying of all; “variety is the spice of life”. We find change when we go on holiday for a break. It is nice to go away and nice to return home too. To get out of a stuffy room and get some fresh air. To go from hungry to full. When tired, get some good sleep and wake refreshed. To read for a bit, then go for a walk and explore. Meeting up with decent folk and chatting animatedly followed by a musical rave. Try idling away an hour or so, just sitting, watching the landscape allowing yourself to think and ratify your thoughts free from anything distracting. However, sitting at home day after day bludgeons the soul and scrapes away at our morale. It comes down to the ratio of time alone and time with others. Change can be had from going out somewhere just for the sake of it. Getting out for a while at the very least gives us something to talk about.

Variety can be found in many areas of our life. We can change what we wear or decide upon a new pastime, something fresh something new. Even a new sauce on our chips adds to the joy. It is rare to find happiness in doing the exact same thing over and over for extended periods. Having said that we might find some things that we do frequently that we do not get bored by. You may have an exercise regime where you can see some progress. It can be the same activity but aspects of it differ. Maybe the scenery changes, or the people, or we challenge ourselves more. People criticise those that do the same thing over and over, yet live a life full of repetition themselves. If something is good, why on earth would you not want to go again and again.

There can be a never-ending search for more and that is usually good. Contentment comes from the search and seeking and the plotting and planning. Static stasis is not conducive with happiness. Hoping for more is.

We can be busy, busy, busy, or just sufficiently occupied with time spare to deviate at will. A schedule that marks out days rather than blots the landscape. Lots also find themselves with too much to read, examine and digest, maybe feeling obliged to respond to heaps of it as well. Information overload can be a burden with pressure to keep up with what is supposed to be a fun and pleasurable interaction. We are sold an illusion. How much do we really need to keep abreast of? Does your cat care? Does your dog or the woodpecker give a damn? You may feel that keeping abreast with everything is essential. Once you realise that vital it isn’t, you see that you were not missing out on much at all and only wish you came to that conclusion earlier.

I and many others find it hard to get to sleep when we know we have to get up early. I engineer my day ahead to avoid early departures. I gained the freedom to get up when I want. Freedom and happiness can be intertwined.

We can be instructed by the wise to be grateful for what we have. That word, grateful, is paraded abundantly in therapy. We can indeed find many a thing to be grateful for. We can still yearn for something though. For that, another word is relevant. Persistence. To get what we yearn for, one must keep trying.

Can we make changes in our lives to bring about as much happiness as possible? I presume it is possible. You may hunt down a soulmate, someone who you are predominantly at ease with. Someone with warts in their character that are excusable. That soulmate, the stalk of the flower that raises your life off the floor into the fray. It makes an incredible difference. Sometimes a difference that takes too many words to describe. Blooming marvellous bliss.

Some people take great pleasure in telling us how content they are with their small weekly wage. Many have given up well paid jobs to create more freedom in their lives and never looked back. Good for them. Our situations vary so much though. There is no simple formula for inciting happiness in everyone’s current position. Some of us have responsibilities placed on them. Not all by choice. Some have children to look after plus older parents that want daily assistance too. Stuck in the middle, longing for a permanent respite from all the obligations. Then many discover that when their children do finally leave home, a void appears. A feeling of purpose, a reason for being, is linked to happiness.

You can be a solitary happy flower in a sea scape of dry sandy desert, but celibacy is not hereditary. Any discourse, discussion, debate, and general interaction with others tends to be very uplifting. Some say that we ought to identify all those little joys and make sure they are inserted into our days. The accumulative effect of all these small pleasures can be good.

We can feel good about ourselves when we do something to a high standard rather than leaving after bodging a job. If you’re happy I’m happy. No nagging spouse, no griping child, no disaffected complaining customers.

A quick glance in the mirror can let us reflect on the yearning for the looks of youth. Do we feel that the increase in our stature is a fine compensation for all those wrinkles? It all seems so different when in constant debilitating pain, debt, or grief. Many people will have little to complain about, they have the basics in place; a nice home, a reasonable income, and a family all in good health. Then they may start seeking something more - higher forms of fulfilment. They may wish to bolster their self-esteem, toy with charity work, or seek what they regard as some form of spiritual enlightenment.

The mature ones have in their own way and to their own extent, explored their world and found what fits their preferred lifestyle. Change can be subtle. Rather than grand adventures, a new flavour tea or a new handcraft to while away the time. Less impulsive randomness, but nevertheless plenty of variation. Some can become reticent to any changes in their locality. They become accustomed to the way things are and prefer it to remain so. Younger people can find a passion to see things advance. They latch on to a cause with great enthusiasm and aren’t sobered by the realisation that it takes time to change peoples’ mindset. Change happens at a glacial pace. The eagerness can be a help, but few stop to think about whether they are going about it in the right way.

Problems with people can fester. We shy away from arguments believing that they are best avoided but arguments usually lead to something better. Storm clouds gather. It goes dark. It rains. However, when the darkness lifts it gives way to sunshine. That downpour waters the happiness flower. So long as the arguments are not all day every day, we need not fear causing some occasional upset. You will get along better with people when you are prepared to debate, discuss, and argue with them.

Happiness may need an occasional jolt. A reminder of what is most important. Perhaps a visit to someone with a large house all nicely furnished. Plenty of trimmings inside and out. Then the bitter pill to swallow; they lost an only child in a road accident. The things around them are just material. The life the child did have was superb. However, no distraction stops them thinking about what could have been avoided. If only. These thoughts linger. Do they need help to move on? They have nothing much to move on to.

Having a problem free life may sound appealing but being problem free can be a problem in itself. Having something to address, something to fix can be a part of the reason we want to live. People get a lot from finding a way through all sorts of problems. Find a solution for someone. Make their life easier. Enable them to do things they enjoy. Whilst it makes them happy, it can bring you a tear of joy, or two, too.

Our mind can seem awry. We jump at the chance to take some pills or gabber with a therapist every Tuesday afternoon for weeks on end. A minority can be afflicted with a tiredness that clouds the whole of the waking day. No matter what change in diet or change in behaviour, the debilitating effect is not alleviated. Changing a few thoughts can be miraculous for some, but not in this case. You may just have to get used to your wild mood swings and come to a realisation that we are all different. We were never meant to be like what everyone else appears to be. Note. Appears to be.

Are you trying to prove your worth? Are you trying to justify your existence? Do you need to demonstrate that the world needs you? The world needs nobody, nobody in particular, just enough fine people to keep things in order.

There is one common trigger for causing a spell of feeling down. It is when people ignore you or fail to grasp your point of view. You try and present logical sensible reasoning, but despite that, certain people refuse to listen. They seem to know best. They jump to the wrong conclusions about what you are saying. They are dismissive. Is there a solution to that wave of fed-up-ness that comes over you when this happens? You may need to ask if that is the sole person that needs to be convinced. It might be worth rechecking what you have to say anyway. Sometimes we present our case and leave it be or wait a while and try another tack. You will encounter the utter arrogant that will never be swayed. Is progress being made elsewhere? It is grim waiting to get your voice heard, if not by a jury but by someone that is willing to listen and take notice. Is there something else you can do in the meantime?

Are you drawn to miserable or someone with a smile on their face? Smiling is contagious. Smile and people will smile back at you. If they don’t then you can at least gauge something. Few of us can say hello in 200 languages but smiling crosses all boundaries. It is nice to avoid telling people what they should do but I like reminding people of how great smiling is. I found that it pays to try and try again with people that are down. Unfortunately, there are times where ultimately the only way forward is to provide some space. Hopefully, they will change when they realise that their negative and pessimistic views on life are driving others away. It is difficult, as we end up in a vicious circle. We come across as miserable and people avoid us which adds to our misery. We have to put on a show and fake it until we make it through.