Modesty

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I have often heard the argument that there is no such thing as normal. Everyone is a little different, but some seem to stand out that bit more. We see judgement in action. Snide remarks and people distancing themselves. We could talk about being normal in a wide range of respects describing our mannerisms along with obsessions, compulsions, and aversions. Normal in appearance. Normal in habits. Normal in manner. Normal in everyday functions. Normal experience of pain vs weird pleasure. Normal in the way we are treated. Normal in the way we are accepted. Normal in our comprehension of things. Normal in what you notice and what most normally ignore. Normal for one to know whereas you are lucky not to know. What we can do normally but sometimes can’t manage. Normally fine, but today any upset causes distress. Thoughts and feelings can be normal to us but alien to others. Feeling normal can count in an objective of fitting in, but there are instances where it is coupled with wishing to be a little different.

Measuring and categorising normality is fraught with contention. Generalising can get us into trouble. It could be something about us that is at such a level that it tips the scales. The oddity is enough for many to describe it as abnormal. People may support and comfort us with the notion that no one is normal and that nothing is normal. However, it can be a proper problem. It might be a difference that we like or hate, so we can either attempt to change where possible or embrace it. Then there are those that think they are normal but are surprised to find out that their reality is not shared by everyone. When they discuss the way they see things, and describe it to people, they realise that it is not as normal as they assumed.

You could draw up a long list of things that make a person different. Our characteristics, things derived from our individual genome and things that happened or not during our development. From abuse or neglect to living with overbearing parents. Countless circumstances can cast a shadow on the way we behave and react. You may consider yourself, rightly or wrongly, to be normal in some respects and less so in others.

Whether we wish to be completely normal or not, whatever that may be, there is something to be said for being unusual and interesting - up to a point. People have major issues that grow and expand making ordinary tasks harder by the day. When we have difficulties doing these everyday things, things that plenty of others manage with ease, it can come as a relief when an official diagnosis is found. Once a label has been put on it, we can blame our genes, it is something we are born with. Our faults lie with our parents or an outside agent. Our identity can become framed by the label put on us. We don’t object to it, instead see it as something that gives us that little bit extra. We can be proud of it regardless of whether it is seen as a form of disability or not. Aside from it being a talking point it can be called upon as an excuse for goofy behaviour and draws wanted scrutiny of our character. Those with a uniqueness may feel cherished because of it. You get this niggling sense that having a label is a benefit. It becomes a part of someone’s identity, despite the drawbacks that can undoubtedly be very inhibiting.

People discover that they get lots of attention because of their disorder. They didn’t use it at first to gain attention, they simply noticed that people were curious and interested in their problems. The attention is welcome to some degree. We don’t like to be viewed as an attention seeker, but it is tempting to play on things. Our problems make us stand out.

We select something on our mind to talk about, often piffle or of trifle concern. It may or may not be of interest to others. It might be about something that most won’t take much heed of. We can listen regardless and let people fulfil their wish to get what they have to say off their chest. It is good to listen, it is great, fantastic to listen, there is no doubt about that. Some talk about nothing bar their normalcy problems though. When it is that and only that every time, I try to change the subject. There is more to the person than just their normalcy issues. I can’t keep giving them attention solely because of the issue. No matter how big the handicap, impediment or whatever the abnormality thing is, an individual will have real achievements and good qualities to refer to. There are countless things to talk about. Things going on in the world, not just related to them and what they are facing all the while. I ramp up the engagement when talking about things that are not about their disorder. I give positive feedback sometimes a bit exaggerated. It promotes talk away from their endless focus on their normalcy matters.

Some with life issues hide away. They walk in the shadows leaving the spotlight to lingers on others. Whilst they don’t appear to fit in as well as others, they may show themselves in areas that we don’t all get to see. We have expectations of people and a want-to-sort-it mentality. Some do not want to be fixed. Our advice may come from a place of good intentions, but it might not be welcome or necessary. Living by your own standards and leading by example is not the same as wishing others to blossom with the same vibrancy in the same situations. Being normal, being conformist is an untidy concept with such a mishmash of contrasting characters around. We can live as a recluse, but good company is good company. That is via inclusion at the fringe or in the mainstream.

Kittens emerged, one by one. Five of them. It was exciting to watch. I was however, unsettled to see the mother push one away. The runt was rejected. We were able to intervene and ensure its survival. It leads me to propose, that many animals including us, are naturally, inherently, inclined to harshly discriminate based upon a normality judgement. Our tolerance for certain types, changes over time. It goes in cycles with acceptance to persecution and back again. We can be accommodating for a while then less so, altering people’s ability to fit in. Some people will always be prejudicial, but our initial distaste and wariness tends to be pushed aside when we understand a person more.

There will always be some form of inconsistency in the way we treat people according to appearance. People will find a reason to berate us. For being fat, unsymmetrical, having acne, a lisp, or a myriad of other reasons. Many will mask and hide the problem where they can, for they can’t be bothered with the issue. They don’t want to be defined by their noticeable physical oddity. It is a tiresome timewasting hassle to be constantly dealing with the questions. It becomes a barrier that gets in the way of engaging with people about the task in hand. We have engrossing things that we want to discuss instead of our little oddity.

We complain about people discriminating against us, particularly those that do so because of our physical differences. Yet, who is saintly enough to never judge others in any way whatsoever? We find reason to scorn others, perhaps for their education, accent, dress sense, conduct, manners, spending habits and so on. Few are immune. We think that these kinds of judgements are fair but saying anything derogatory about physical differences is not. All forms of discrimination cause anguish.