Loose Connection - in conversations.

In the section 'Conversation', I have highlighted some of the irritating things people do during conversations. One of them; bringing up loose connections. Something vaguely related to what those in the conversation are talking about. It will be something that adds little or nothing to what is being said, often by someone that likes the sound of their own voice. Not always someone that likes the sound of their own voice, as some see it rather differently. Some see it as empathy. I don't.

Let me explain.

Let's suppose I am talking about getting my car fixed. I am telling people about the difficulties I am having and perhaps have a little moan about the cost and hassle trying to find a decent garage to do the work. Most people listen and commiserate a little. Some might offer insights relating to their car repairs. Some might suggest a garage they have used, recommending it. All good. However, someone listening decides to tell you that they spent the afternoon washing their car. It is all gleaming now.

Oh, they are talking about cars so what can I think of that relates to cars? I know I will tell them about me washing my car. Are they listening? No, not one bit. I am not talking about cars and inviting any conversation regarding cars. I am taking about getting a car repaired. That is a big difference.

I should not admonish someone that has told me their car washing tale. I should be pleased that they are showing empathy. It is the way their mind works. That is the view some are trying to impress on 'neuro-typical' types. We should be grateful for their input despite it being irrelevant. I am not grateful. I will never be grateful. I would rather that say nothing or ask a question. Maybe they could simply ask me how long the car has made a strange noise. Has the car given me other troubles in the past. Anything that relates to my car and repairing it.

Conversation is a skill that take time and effort to master.

Most people understand that if I say, "you are pulling my leg", I imply that you are 'having a laugh', goading me or being non-serious. However, some people can only take things literally. They cannot fathom that 'pulling my leg' does not mean someone has got hold of my leg and is pulling it. These people need to learn what each phrase means. There are lots of them. One by one they learn the double meanings. They learn the non-literal translation of phrases. It takes a bit of effort for them to learn what each phrase really means.

Pulling my leg.

Pain in the neck.

Put the boot in.

Left me hung out to dry.

Keeping them at arm's length.

If people can learn what someone means by 'pulling their leg', they can learn to stop offering up loose connections. They can learn to stop thinking of something to say that is loosely related and do one of many things. Stay quiet. Listen. Ask a question that is related. If they learn to converse better, they will make better friends, they will get more respect, they will get more inclusion, they will get more invites to events etc. They will be ignored less. They will live better.

Every person on the planet that speaks can learn the art of conservation. Some are simply too self-centred and feel no need to change. Many have no interest in improving their conversation skills. It is a shame, as a lot of poor conversationalists are fine people at heart.