Reciprocal rejection

A budding pilot passed all the exams to get his private pilot’s license. The next stage, a commercial pilot’s licence and a career in aviation. Only one snag. The medical. The medial for commercial licences is more stringent than for a private licence. His conditions were border line acceptable, borderline below par. On the cusp. Despite appeals and money spent getting other opinions he was rejected by the aviation authority.

It is difficult to accept this rejection and move on. A slight hearing deficiency in one ear and a tiny issue with the eyesight put paid to hopes and dreams.

“If ever the government wants people to fly planes in World War 3, I will tell them to stick it.” He wants the chance to reject them in the same way they rejected him.

Lucy held a party and invited family and friends. Many turned up and had a good time, but lots didn’t show. Silly excuses were made. She felt a little let down. She had spent a lot of time arranging the party and spent a fair amount of money buying food and arranging some entertainment.

Lucy wants the no-shows to ask to come to the next party. And she really likes the idea of saying no to them. Reciprocal rejection.

Thoughts of reciprocal rejection serves a purpose. It ends the rumination in our head. We put a happier end to the story in our mind. We feel a little content that we returned the favour in a way, even though in most cases we never get to say no to the people that rejected us.

Imagining the opportunity to reciprocally reject may help us deal with the frustration and annoyance that we feel at the time. We yearn for that moment. It will be joyous to reject in the same way as we were rejected by them. However, that chance may never come. In most instances it will not arise. It may not be beneficial to us to reject when they come calling.

Reciprocal rejection is both useful and detrimental to our ego. Yes, it helps us deal with the annoyance in our head, but the retaliation is childish. We can instead learn to accept that we were not good enough in that area. We can find our purpose elsewhere. We can change our friends. Good friends would always turn up to a party. We can be more proactive and not allow ourselves to become mired in self-pity. It is upsetting for sure and might make us feel down for a while but let it be just a short while. There need not be recriminations for those that said no to us.

Why waste too much time on reciprocal rejection. it is you that ends up losing the most. We need to understand that it is us that is the one ruminating about the rejection, not them.

Learn from it. Move on. Improve your offering. Did you make the best of it, did you make the party as good as it could be despite all the no-shows. Did you make the party something that people wish they attended? Wanting to say no in return has been a feature of humanity for a very long time. And will be, in the future too.