Boys, Girls and Freaks

Is it a boy or a girl? This is the first question we ask when someone has a baby. If they have a willy, we say it is a boy, if not then we say it is a girl. Once they have been classified as either male or female, we then segregate them in a number of ways. Worse still we lay down rules according to the gender given, rules that are often inconsistent and irrational. There are things we let boys do and not girls and vice versa. All because they have a penis or not.

The question of what sex to assign some can be a bit problematic. Some have a vagina of sorts along with testis and a malformed penis. It is not clear cut whether we can say they are a boy or a girl. We know that the camp we place them in will have an impact on the whole life ahead of them. God does not assign the gender. Instead, a doctor will be brought in to decide as they have had all the specialist schooling. Of course, they are always right every time, without fail and never succumb to human error like the rest of us. Parents have jumped the gun and assigned a sex to their child early on rather than wait for the child to decide for themselves later down the line. Grim tales can be found of babies and toddlers being hastily operated on. Children express a lot of resentment for being damaged. Nothing can put this right. Nothing can rectify it.

These problem cases are seen as rare, rare enough to be dismissed as exceptions and just ‘freaks’, freaks of nature. Instead of dismissing these so called ‘freaks’ as irrelevant they can shine a light on the way we view genders. Maybe the harsh boy-girl separation is something we have been doing for so long throughout history that we struggle to get away from it. The real freaks could be those that are ultra-feminine or extremely masculine and that the bulk of the population are a mix of the two.

Give me a reliable definition for a man and a woman. One that works in all cases. We are not debating the concepts of masculinity and femininity. We are asking whether we can state that someone is male or female in a black and white manner rather than just people of the same species. If you were to say girls are more… or boys are more… you have already decided who are boys, who are girls in order to measure. A paradox of sorts.

Most people claim that it is obvious what makes someone male and what makes someone female. In day-to-day affairs visual clues help us help us determine someone’s gender. Clothing plays a part, but we feel that we can still distinguish a man from a woman even when somebody is dressed in drag. A man in women’s clothes is still masculine enough to be spotted. The same goes for a woman dressing in a masculine way. They just seem sufficiently masculine or feminine to be separated. Whilst it is not quite so easy with babies as their facial features are far less prominent, we don’t make such an issue of it. We don’t pay it too much attention and it is pretty much unheard of to request that someone removes their underwear to establish what sex they claim to be. Most will admit however that there have been some occasions where they have come across people that we are not sure which sex to class them. We notice them and stare for a bit trying to decide. Anything a bit unusual evokes some curiosity.

There are plenty of stereotypes. We think of females typically having slender body shapes, maybe hourglass rather than 'A' frame. Breasts that protrude are seen as the prominent feature of women thus men with man boobs feel awkward. Body hair particularly on the face can mark us out, as does a sweeter softer face. Nevertheless, you will get some wimpy looking boys and 'wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley', strong girls. Men can’t have orgasms people cry, but how wrong they are, I can vouch for that. On this note, the sensation when highly turned on, ripples through a large part of the middle of one’s body for some time. It is considerably easier to bring about ejaculation than an orgasm though. How do we go about getting sufficient arousal for it to come about? Some need to be relaxed, some must get fizzed up, some need the element of cheekiness / effrontery, some need ripeness and for the rest, heaven knows what. Some would prefer a good book or a glass of wine and leave that aspect of sexual amazement to those with more resolve.

What if a man were to lose his member in a motorcycle accident, is he still a man? If a woman has a hysterectomy, is she still a woman? Half the population in theory can produce children, but this half have issues for many are barren. The potential to bear children frames femininity but is not entirely useful in determining gender conclusively. Although men can't become pregnant, nor can many women. Men are deemed to be the providers of the seed unless they happen to be sterile or have opted for a vasectomy. If rules are going to be made in society, then they need to be fair for all. Lots of legal cases revolve around precise definitions. It has great relevance. Any legal distinction you make between a man and a woman would surely work in all cases if it were to be justified.

If we were to fall back on the chromosomes, the xx/xy, we would think that we would be on safe ground except these have anomalies. The chromosome system is not a two-part system. It comprises numerous registers with each person having their various components set at different points on the scale. Big built strong alpha male types will have a lot of the settings on the one side yet can still have a few feminine characteristics. At the other end of the spectrum, there will be those that have delicate, sweet, cute feminine bodies, but also some masculine traits as well. If we evaluate all the bands, we can see that on aggregate, people lean to one side of the gender divide. However, nobody is 100% male or female. When we feel hard done by, people will point to someone worse off than us. In the same way, there will always be someone stronger, taller, bigger breasted, more agile or with a more feminine /masculine voice than us too. And many of them will be put in the other gender box.

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The idea of having two separate sexes is highly entrenched in our view of society. One has a hole and the other a peg. Any other viewpoint is swiftly rejected. Thus, from an early age, segregation begins. We have different changing rooms. We like separate toilets except we don’t mind in aeroplanes, trains, small shops, and most homes. Some schools think it is wise to have separate classrooms for those with a penis and those without. It is fun to control. People exclude half of society from taking part in a range of activities simply because they have been defined as male or female. Characterised not on performance but on an expected role in child creation and child rearing. Totally illogical and irrational yet violently enforced. Not one country at this point in time has managed to put in place a law that treats all people the same.

Some women are far more feminine than others. Some men are far more masculine than others. Some women are more masculine than others. Some men are more effeminate than others. Some people are more feminine/masculine than others. In our minds we see differences between boys and girls, but these are dwarfed by the much larger number of things that are identical. Count all the body parts that are indistinguishable between the sexes, and you will see only emotive reasons for creating such damning discrimination. I do not propose that we stop seeking the company of contrasting characters. We will always relish and enjoy the sight of opposites. We gravitate towards cute people with exacerbated femininity or masculinity. Hence why some people like to accentuate their femininity by wearing makeup and refraining from becoming too muscular. Or conversely spend hours at the gym toning their physique. Not everyone worries about their looks, for many laughably pretend to place higher regard on inner beauty. There is a lot of joy to be had in making oneself as feminine or masculine as we like and that is our business and an onlooker’s delight.

There can be pressure to conform, to present oneself firmly within one of the categories. Being born without the affirming characteristics that set out our gender identity creates a significant issue within and rejection by those we encounter. Sexual confusion, sex changes and awkward lives materialise. The freaks have difficulties. In truth, we are all freakish, accidents and different. We may have been a product of a planned pregnancy, but our parents did not select us specifically. One can be subject to the same amount of derision for being too fat or too thin whether male or female. We will discriminate when we choose a partner ruling out baldies, shorties and the loud mouthed to name but a few reasons to reject.

It can be advantageous to be beautiful, but sometimes beautiful people can be hampered by the fear of competition. An employee will use a different filtering mechanism to whittle down candidates to present to the boss than the boss might themselves. Staff might be in fear of being overshadowed by new attractive people coming on to the scene. Some are less inclined to give a petite figure a chance in something like the construction industry. That is despite the measurable distinctions in actual performance being minimal when timed. Suitability is only truly proven once someone has been in the job for a while and preconceptions get eroded. Female warriors have been as deadly as any others in conflicts of the past. By and large there are as many capable people classed as women as there are classed as men. Make no mistake about it, I could find some people who you would call women to face off and challenge any typical bunch of those you call men.

People have different hormone ratios and that intensifies their appearance. It gives rise to more body hair, being more prone to aggression and a greater ability to compete. Testosterone can be the deciding factor. It can be used as a way of dividing the human race into the two sexes, fair enough. If you want to decide if your child is a boy or a girl, you must wait until they are about 10 years old and see a chemist to measure their testosterone level.

Those most proficient at a sport, the champions, or those that are the best at maths seem to be in the male category. Nevertheless, the difference is marginal, crucial to come top, but the females do not lag that far behind. It is only a small number that make up the elite, most people have average abilities. Take a random sample and you will see no major difference between the sexes. Besides, the best one or two doctors can’t be on all the hospital wards right across the country. The top leagues would have a good proportion of female participants there by merit if the world lost its bias. Where there is no exclusion, there is little difference in performance between the so-called sexes. Tradition holds people back rather than lack of competence.

We can hunt for sections of our genes that can spell out what sex we are, but it will still come down to human interpretation. We can highlight types that belong more to the male or female category such as those with the obsessiveness trait. However, both men and women can be prone to focusing heavily on one subject for a long time. Whether it is nurturing, caring, loving, loathing, desiring or any form of human emotion we can never place them higher or lower on just one gender. Anything a boy feels will be felt by many girls too.

A nation that counts people as people and not as either male or female has no interest in making anyone change how they label themselves. It would end the denial of access to anything based on a gender discrimination. The only time we would be stopped from doing something is if we were underage or truly incompetent. There is no need to banish Mr/Mrs/Ms etc from the diction. In English, there is plenty to take umbrage at with the masculine element in man/woman, male/female, lad/lady, prince/princess, count/countess and he/she and so forth. We can replace he/she/her/him with they and them. Things become rather stilted and constrained though. It is harder to write without these pronouns. Despite everything, the freedom to write how we want is paramount. So, you write how you like and address people as they wish to be addressed.

As with any new idea, things can be taken too far. Providing fairness, equal chances, and the same respect for all, need not become a deterrent from expressing femininity / masculinity. It is all too easy to make everyone feel obliged to dress neutrally and to address each other in the exact same way. This very dark path would stifle our freedom to take into account the treasures of human life. I adore a green garden but wouldn’t dream of chopping every flower head off to keep it green, green, green. Give each plant the water and sunshine they need, let the colours and variety flourish, please. Give everyone the same opportunity to work, to serve and to compete whilst still allowing them to express their masculinity/femininity as they so desire.

I gave my baby daughter a range of mechanical toys to play with. I taught her how to plumb, lay bricks, set tiles, wire electrical things and so on. This had a huge impact on how she developed. She became most useful to our family. You can shift cultural norms and remove sex bias in the hope of attaining equality, but equality has to start at birth.

If you believe men and women are fundamentally different, you believe that, because that is what you want to believe.