The best day of my life

I hadn’t budgeted enough time to de-ice the car, but with a minute to spare I arrived at the agreed time. She was sitting outside waiting with the dog. We had always respected one another in terms of good time keeping. Lots stood out that day. It is not what we do, but who with. Seeing things through someone else’s eyes is refreshing for me. Hearing their thoughts about things that I take for granted.

Little things, little differences - massive impact. As I called her name she turned and beamed. This was a response that I had not been accustomed to. In other relationships a half smile would be witnessed, occasionally. Here a true meaningful, genuine smile caught in a series of shots. Caught using the power of modern technology. In the past, such reactions were only stored in our heads.

The dog in tow is big, powerful, and not keen on other dogs. I understood how the person on the end of the lead was frightened of her running away and exercised caution. The consequences of something terrible happening were real. But here on my patch of land, land left to go wild, the dog can run free. She runs to examine what is in the hedges, it turns around frequently to see where her ‘master’ is. Curiosity in play once more. This bit of free reign is rewarding for the dog. Had the temporary nature of my interaction with this interactive creature been a little less temporary, I could have harnessed those drives in the dog to good effect. Oh well.

People will say that there is a difference between having sex and making love. There is. Not said to make someone feel most important, not as reassurance about commitment, not extra desire, but genuine cohesion. We bonded deeply via dance first, then conversation and therefore intimacy was a conspicuous extension to that. This love making truly counted, resonated, and will stay with me. I ask myself if I am making a big deal of something that can be commonplace and ordinary. In regards her physicality, that suited my personal preferences perfectly. The reason it counts the most for me was how it arose. The intensity came from the emotional connection that formed gradually over time.

For me nothing surpasses having a sidekick. A person to accompany you on mundane outings, or to do less mundane things with. It is wonderful. If, and only if, the person gels with you. I liked (adored) watching her, watching her touch and feel things with her most clean but grubbily fashioned hands. Those hands would interweave mine, slide in together like silk, fingers intermeshed during many a dance. I liked seeing her notice things that I usually pay no attention to. The smells, the wind, the way the light filtered through the branches of the trees. The eagerness to use the time waiting to have a walkabout and look around. Watching her examine me was addictive. Subtle gentle flows of peace and calm washed in. A sense that all things will be fine. The marvel of marvellous things is amplified significantly when marvelling at things together. Sure, one can experience such experiences with other girls and gents, but for reasons that I cannot explain, they are just not the same no matter how I try to embrace the generosity others demonstrate. The difference is immense between the one and those that are more perfunctory than shockingly super.

In a relationship, some things are important, other things much less so. The list of things that were important to us both coincided most remarkably. It was an absurdly good match. Harmonious dancing. Harmonious yet challenging conversation. Harmonious sex. I had it on all counts. All with the same person. I found what gives meaning to me. The most meaning. We both listened to one another. We both revelled in physical contact. We pushed the boundaries of dance. It is most difficult to find someone to take dance to the extremes. My stance on equality matched hers. So many compatible factors. She epitomised exactly what I had been looking for, for so long. Hope gets me through each day. It gets me through until I cross paths with someone else as great as she. Human connection gives me purpose. Close connection is most meaningful to me. Not much else cuts it. We find our own meaning. It is different. It is personal. It is ours. I found out the hard way that for me in my life, one plus one is not two, it is closer to 11.

Each part is taken out of their wrappers, slowly, one by one. All the bits needed are laid out in front of you. Some were difficult to obtain, some cost more than you would have liked, but everything is ready for you to start putting them together. There is a joy to it. You think briefly about those who manufactured and devised each element, but the real focus is on this final process. After all the patience waiting for key parts to arrive, the time is now right and whether with a bit of background music or in silence you begin. Care must be taken as any breakages now will lead to a further postponement. A few spares wouldn’t have gone amiss, but you have just enough for the job. An imaginary observer looking over your shoulder is given a running commentary, spoken to in the mind alone. A task undertaken.

The many modes of existence; none of which are more desirable, all are as valid as one another – just different. (a) Hunting, foraging, mating from time to time. On the lookout for dangers. Exploring. Using the drives in a pure form. (b) Building and creating. Having a belief that you are moving forward. As one reward subsides, another is thought to be on the horizon. Real life, clear reality. Witnessing the actual physical manifestation of tangible products. Making solid additions to mankind’s capability. Your fear of being scolded by those holding sway over you is no illusion. The words are more than just sound waves, they impact you. (c) Reflection and meditation. Quiet, inward looking. Analysis. Planning and plotting. Shut the world out and be at one with your mind and body. Refresh, recuperate. (d) Driving the machine. A distinctly different mode. Intruding the process of thinking by intercepting it. Being as far removed from being a human as one can imagine. De-layering. Consciously grasping what is going on inside you. (e) Utilising everything you know to your advantage, often just as a challenge and the fun of it. Only using instinct when you can’t calculate the next move in the time available. We can thrive in one mode - at all times. Some can flit between them at will. Such a profusion of modes to not pay attention to.

The zookeeper knows when they are being played. They can pretend to go along with it and make it seem like they have been fobbed off. They take time to think about the response. A zookeeper can swallow their pride on demand, be humble and arrogant when needed. A zookeeper understands the parallel with someone that works in a zoo.