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When we get it wrong

I have made countless mistakes. I have said things that might have been a little hurtful or patronising or just not clever. These memories come back time and time again with far more presence than all the nice, kind empathetic things that I was a part of. Whether the people in question took that much offence and remembered it as vividly as me, I am not sure. Dwelling upon these trivial events serves no real purpose. Sometimes we use these experiences to modify our ways though. We may try to behave better in future encounters - furrowing kudos in our wake.

When I have made a mistake, apologising helped the situation considerably. That I assume would be obvious, but many fail to understand that an apology is a process. It is a process where you listen first. You listen to find out what you have done wrong. Get to understand the hurt you have caused. Fact find, fully, then and only then say sorry. People can be too quick to blurt out an apology before they took the time to listen to someone’s grievance. Get to the bottom of the complaint then say sorry.

I have been in some situations where people have become a little offish. I have then been in a bit of a dilemma as to what to do. I could broach the subject and find out what, or even if, I have done something wrong or just leave it be and stay out of their way. In some cases, there might not seem much point doing anything as the awkwardness won’t be for long. Sailing. Me at the helm. During the docking, a go around was called. I pushed the throttle forward creating a significant wave. Anarchy ensued. In an aeroplane I was accustomed to hitting the throttle, instantly. The procedure is: set full power, climb out and circle around to attempt another landing. However, putting the pedal to the metal in a cramped seaport is not appreciated by others there. It didn’t help that there were three or four people shouting, yelling out what they each wanted me to do. I noticed that on account of all this, someone was becoming rather distant, and I made the effort to sort it out. I apologised. I could have left it knowing that I was going home shortly. Once they understood that a go around can give rise to an instinctive response to a pilot, they were quite jolly about it. The change in atmosphere was immediate.

Some take the ignoring route. They avoid contact. No humbleness nor any effort to remedy the situation. I see people play the long game. They believe they are in the right and wait for an impasse to come about to prove they are correct. This is all very well, but you can spend days or weeks with discomfort. Undoubtedly there are countless other tactics but facing someone, apologising if required, is so powerful. Forgetting pride and using humility gets people onside. I prefer not to have things festering because it becomes a bane to me. I could miss out on more than what the other party would. Life throws up millions of permutations. Many different situations arise. On this occasion do I need to be seen as in the right, does it matter that much?

I had a break-in. Stock was damaged by water that came in through the hole the thieves made in the roof. During the clean-up we left some of the refuse by a bin across the road. Some days later I had a call from the authorities saying that they had someone prepared to stand up in court and testify that I had left some rubbish by the bin. With all the work dealing with the damage done to the property, I had completely forgotten about it. They could have given me a call or came over to see me about it but decided to go straight into a formal complaint with the authorities instead. I cleared up the bags and then went to confront the person who had reported me. They appeared to be bracing themselves for a stream of words, stating my displeasure at what they had done. Rather than showing my displeasure I explained that I had had a break-in and apologised for leaving the bags there. I felt that I didn’t want an enemy of sorts on my doorstep. I think it is better to be cordial with everyone, even if a reader would see such an example as this as being rather righteous. I can also point out that as far as I can tell, no matter how bad things get for you, everyone else wants to live their life unaffected. It is worth repeating this. No matter how grim things become for you, people only care about how things affect them. People will indeed help, campaign, protest on behalf of others, but only if there is something in it for them. The selfishness drive, my friends.