You and yourself

With or without you

Shortly after someone dies there is a scramble to grab the spoils. Some make a will because they do not like the idea that will be lots of arguments and infighting when they go. It is quite sad that the loss of the person is lost in the frenzy of the aftermath. People hope that their loved ones will be okay financially after their demise. This is all very noble, but when the gain in money is a fine compensation for the loss of the individual then our priorities can look very misplaced. In a truly loving relationship, no money could make up for what has departed. Benefiting from a death demeans the value of the life ended. There will be some kind of inconvenience when someone passes away but sorting it all out aids the grieving and bereavement process.

Nobody is irreplaceable. It is quite surprising how quickly businesses find work arounds once key figures leave. Loose ends are swept away, other people are put in place and on it goes. Families find ways to manage one way or another. They may miss your special bread buns but find alternatives, sometimes better. To think that the world will end when you do is far removed from what really doesn’t happen.

We often hear of the posturing that if it wasn’t for Mr/Mrs xx then we would not have a certain invention now. The person who made the leap forward, who made the big discovery gets credited and written into history books. What we must appreciate is that in virtually all instances if they hadn’t found it, then someone else would have, albeit a short time after. Anything worth investigating will get investigated sooner or later. Humanity changes as a collective and individuals make their contribution, however, no one person is ever the sole vital proponent. No one person is ever vital to humankind's progression. For each person that sped something up there are a lot more that slowed things down. We mark people out as part of the education process to add a little human interest. You are as valid as the next person, but not more so. The lesson some can draw from this is that working too hard and never knowing when enough is enough, sabotages the time out to enjoy other fruits of life.

One afternoon we walked into a tourist shop and the salesman locked the door preventing us from leaving until we bought something. A few days later I was waiting outside a similar shop bidding my time before the coach came and got talking to a fellow traveller. They mentioned that the country received five million a day from ships passing through the canal, yet despite all that money there was poverty abound. I told them that with over eighty million people here that is 0.06 each. Likewise, people with a billion or two to give away have the same problem. There are billions of people without access to clean water and other essentials. Once you spread this money across them all it accounts for one free meal each. Hence a dilemma arises as to whether to concentrate the philanthropy on a single issue such as a certain disease or try to liven up the days of many in multiple projects. During the good times, more are born and the problem expands.

A week before setting of for a Christmas in the sunshine, I went to a jeweller to get a small present. I told the sweet young lass who served me that I was going away, the same place as last year. She asked me where, and I produced a banknote from this land locked country. “Errh, where all those starving children are?” I duly informed her that there is no famine now, all is fine. I didn’t get around to explaining that there never was a famine as such, for it was more a case of people being displaced into a refugee camp for political reasons. After I left, I thought to myself, hang on, that shop assistant was not even born at that time it hit the news and became a focus of such media attention. Money was indeed raised, and a good portion helped a little bit. However, the long-term damage was huge. If you say that you are off to one of the neighbouring countries, people exclaim, “wonderful, would love to go there too”. However, people are puzzled by why you would want to go to this country, which is as good, if anything, better in some ways. Only hard-core travellers visit. Fewer tourists mean less business people and lower inward investment. A country’s image gets tarnished for generations, all because someone wants to be seen helping.

Too many are too rash, too quick off the mark and don’t get a detailed view before they embark on a project. Then there are the flyby givers. They come, they pledge and then go. You will never get it completely right, but some create a bigger mess.

Donations need not be made anonymously and there is no shame in being credited for our help, but all gifts spite those that are ignored. When you raise the profile of one it drowns out others. Charity can be transformative and cherished more often than not by the recipients regardless of the endlessness of it. By and large we give to the cause that has greatest meaning to us; it is co-consideration selfishness at its finest and unavoidably imperfect. Whether we distribute fairly or awkwardly, we do not need a fortune to make a dent in people's sorrows. Many can offer their time instead which is valued more in many situations. Too many do nothing whatsoever, apart from harass those they think should be doing more.