Should

You should not belch after a meal say those with more decorum than you. You follow their guidelines and belch no more. You tell your own children that belching is bad manners. This is the primary way in which manners are fed from one person to another. However, when you visit lands far away you are surprised to learn that belching is not frowned upon. Quite the reverse. Belching is regarded as a signal to the cook that the food is good. Belching is a compliment rather than a rude gesture. Who is right? Maybe we should belch in some countries but not in others. No matter who is right we learn something important. Manners are not universally adopted around the world. Manners differ. Manners follow trends and fashions. Manners change. When people tell you what you should do, they are following current guidance. That guidance is not fixed forever. Far from it. Who decides upon that guidance? What qualifications does one need to update the guidance? Each university preaches different guidance. We have traditions. We have customs, but who started these customs and traditions. Who was the first to belch and declare it to be a fine compliment. Who decided that it was not acceptable.

Guidance is very arbitrary. You are being guided by guidance that may have no rational basis whatsoever. The keeping your elbows off the table rule may have stemmed from times where an elbow resting on it may have tipped it, tipping lots of food to the floor. If that were so, fine, but we have better tables now, so why continue enforcing a rule that harks back centuries and is no longer relevant.

People will run amok if not controlled. Control requires conformity. Control needs complicity, complaint individuals. Those that do not comply are squashed, silenced or removed from view. Eject troublemakers. Don’t let them speak. Don’t let them live the way they want to live. Force your opinions on others. Make them comply with threats of violence if they do not.

Aside from our parents, where else are we subjected to countless should and should nots? Schools for sure. Religions most definitely. Half the books written contain umpteen examples. Many films. Many theatre productions. Adverts. Law makers. We are being told what we should and shouldn’t do by so many people. Sometimes the directives are quite direct. At other times, subtle persuasion is used. Story tellers cast goodies and baddies. The goodies set examples for us to follow. Writers want to influence us. To change our behaviour. They want us to adopt their practices. The characters portrayed in the stories are used to nudge us to be like them in certain regards. So many stories, fables and articles that get published contain coercion. The writers and authors of these stories attempt to get you to be like them. They suggest things, advise and prompt. Suggestions on what they think you should and should not be doing. The advice may suit you, the advice may be good for many, but it is their advice, and it is advice that stems from the way they see the world. It is how they want things to be.